After yesterday and finally getting to the bottom of everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) with Steve and finding out what the hell he was trying to do. He told me about something called "The long game" where you play every angle until the "victim" (for want of a better word) breaks and finds themselves becoming the real them. And that was what Steve was trying to do, he was trying to get me back to who I was. Strong, courageous and taking no bullshit from anyone. It felt good to get back to that person again, OK so I nearly NEARLY punched him for it.
To be honest, I was preparing myself to jump ship and walk away, but what stopped me was finally getting that outcome and everything was dealt with. All of a sudden the game was over. I had won, but it had taken it's toll on me. But you know me, I will bounce back, but I need to rest and recuperate.
I was diagnosed on Monday with an infection in the bottom of both lungs, very phlegmy and exhausted. I wasn't even strong enough to cough up, so I was being left with these solid pellets in my mouth. Walking from the bed to my desk which is less than 4 steps left me breathless and I was finding it hard to keep my SATs over 94%, so I was nebbing just to keep myself breathing and all I wanted to do was sleep and not be in so much pain. Sleep just lately has been hard to come by, from pain and just generally not feeling so well, not helped by a noisy guy next door.
I was walking in to Tesco earlier, and I felt everything go really fuzzy. I was leaning heavily on the trolley and all I wanted was to go to sleep. I had a neb on the bus and had dropped down to 91% (managed to get back up to 96%, neither of which are particularly low, but my doctor said that anything below 94% isn't particularly good, but if after a neb and its still low 90s and the neb hasn't helped then an ambulance should be called straight away). I got home and now all I want to do is bury myself somewhere and not move, but you know what happens as soon as I get comfortable... Hopefully my books and DVDs will come soon and that will really perk me up a bit. Steve's keyboard should be here soon.
2 years ago