Guilty confession...

I had a band practice today, it went really well, as normal really, but we still don't know what is supposed to be happening on Monday. Are we playing the gig at Subside or aren't we? My guilty confession here is that I kind of hope we don't, my health playing up as it is and it would look awful if I were to go in to acute respiratory distress on stage in front of a live audience. Not an idea I would like to entertain.

Redditch is under a blanket of snow and it is absolutely freezing out there, and if an ambulance had to come up here, I can just imagine the trouble and really am going to hang on until there really is no other option. I can't see things getting much worse, but I have a habit for speaking too soon and being proven completely wrong.

After band practice, I completed Crisis Core again. I love that game and the end makes me cry, however as someone I know is playing at the moment I will not post spoilers here, but now I can start in hard mode and see how bad I fail this. I had to use my guidebook earlier on one bit as I get a bit lost in the area and marked on the map where it was I needed to go. I got there in the end and did the last fight with no problems.

I have started assembling my Another Day In Midgar portfolio, with all my print and illustration work in one place and its nice to look through and fills me with pride as I look through at a selection of pencil illustrations and Photoshop work. All of it is inspired by, or even inspires, what I love writing in my spare time, something I have an awful lot of right now. ADIM really gives me hope and a distraction when I have bad days or I just generally feel crappy about myself or everything around me. Then again, exploring Sephiroth's life before he went mad was something I used to do when I was a kid and needed an escape at home. I would fill notebooks (I wish I had some of these still) which I would hide away with ideas and stories and other ideas I had. I never showed these to anyone nor did I tell anyone about my own little world and that made me feel safe. I had my little world, a cave I could hide in and a friend who could protect me from everything. Even if this was just in my imagination.

I guess why the character still holds his own place in my life and the models I collect are so precious to me, Sephiroth was my hero. In some ways he still is and I am thankful that he was created and then Stephen showed me the game where he found his fame. I guess this is one of my more intimate thoughts and something that I never shared with anyone really. Not even with my friends or family. I was always scared that people would reject me or take this special thing I had away from me. Or even tried to take my special hero away.

Loves
Wendy x

Snow.

This morning I awakened to Steve showing me the freshly fallen snow. Now I love the snow as it looks pretty, but it also means that it will be too cold for me to go out too much. It did make me smile though. I know it sounds silly and such a small thing can bring a smile to my face, but sometimes anything that can boost morale is good enough reason to smile in my books.

After last night's struggle to breathe, things got really hairy last night and this could have so easily have ended in a certain yellow van with blue lights screaming in to the close and waking up in hospital yet again. Luckily I just got on with nebbing and upped my Pred again a little bit to 10mg and touch wood, I may have won. For now. I do owe a lot to Steve, Nat and JP, they helped me through the whole thing and talked to me on YIM, keeping me supported.

I slept well last night which has been something of a rarity while my chest has been a bit off, but I must have been really exhausted. I woke up after a strange dream about school, being on stage for something and my old dogs from when I was a girl. Along with lots of really strange things happening. I think part of my mind is trying to explore what happened when I was at Weston Road, with my Dad and when he left and what my brother used to do to me. Although strangely enough I am not afraid of any of this. I actually think this could be a good thing to explore and it will be great to finally come to terms and lay all of this to rest and recover.

Loves

Wendy x

Interview with an asthmatic...

In living with Asthma to the extent that I do, I often get asked many questions. Even though I have already posted today, I just fancied answering some of those questions that people ask me:

1. What is the difference between an asthma attack and a panic attack?

This is a common question. During an asthma attack the person who is going through it will be experiencing any combination of the following symptoms: tightness in the chest, wheezy breathing (usually it feels harder to get air out of your lungs, but this does vary), cough. Although not all these symptoms have to be present for an asthma attack. This is all caused by the airways going in to spasm and closing up.

Outwardly, a panic attack can look very similar. The person who is suffering will be hyperventilating (breathing very fast and shallow) and usually calms down on their own. The best you can do with a panic attack is to calm the person down and remove them from the subject of distress.


2. What does an asthma attack feel like?

Each asthmatic feels an attack differently so it is impossible to define it in a way that relates to everyone. For me, it starts with generally feeling tired and run down, I won't be interested in very much at all or all I will want to do is sleep, although I find it hard to get to sleep. I won't eat very much nor will I really get up and move around much. It feels like someone who is sitting on me and I won't be myself at all. After this, I develop a chesty, rattling cough and become wheezy. It is here that I start treating my attack and hope for the best. This can and often does progress and deteriorate very quickly.

3. How do you know when to use your medication or call for an ambulance?

I have been told many times by my doctors to go by my instincts and let my symptoms be my guide. I know to reach for the inhaler when my symptoms start, and I will use up to 10 puffs of that if needed to calm things down. If that doesn't help, then I move to my nebulisers. I will have 1 of each nebule to begin with and another of salbutamol (Ventolin) on it's own afterward if the first didn't do the trick. If this hasn't worked as it should have, this doesn't happen often now but it used to be a regular thing, then Steve or whoever is with me will dial 999 and get an ambulance to me. This will usually result in either time on wards or the A & E department where I will be given nebulisers, steroids (either pills or IV) and oxygen to stablise my breathing and get me back to normal. Once I have been discharged, I will usually have extra steroids for a week and antibiotics because I usually have an infection.

4. How do you feel after an asthma attack?

In short, exhausted, sore and I will just curl up and go to sleep. It can take up to a week for me to recover, even longer if that recovery time has been interrupted by further asthma attacks. An asthma attack is a very tiring thing.

5. What do I do if I suspect someone is suffering from an asthma attack?

My first advice would be DO NOT PANIC. If they can speak ask them if they have their medication and help them take it as instructed or by the Asthma UK Guidelines. Click here to find these. If the inhalers don't help or YOU ARE IN DOUBT, call for help STRAIGHT AWAY. Remember asthma attacks can be fatal, so PLEASE be sensible about it and take it seriously.

That's it for the questions, but if you do have more don't be afraid to email them to me at w_bostock@hotmail.co.uk, I may not be able to answer them all, but I promise to do my best to answer as many as I can, also I really would recommend a look through the Asthma UK website and find out as much information as you can.

Much Love

Wendy x

Oh my God I can't believe it, I've got my self stuck far away from home...

After yesterday's rough and bumpy ride, it finally happened. The exacerbation my lungs had been dreaming of and plotting for the last week finally happened. I finally had my backside handed to me and it was so bad, I ended up at the local hospital for more of the usual meds. Oh and an Arterial Blood Gas stab that took 4 attempts, a drip that wouldn't lay down and a fever that caused me to sweat through my sheet, blanket and hospital gown.

The doctor was really nice about things and at least took it all in good humour, I myself, well I stayed as cheerful as I could with the same spot on one hand being stabbed and then the other for good measure. I can tell you now, it really REALLY is not fun. Then theres the chest x-ray, confirmed a LRTI (lower respiratory tract infection). So its antibiotics, painkillers and 40mg of Pred. Fun, huh? You would have thought after the first 100 times, I'd watch my asthma, but unfortunately its as stubborn as I am. And I am VERY stubborn, I don't want to admit, but the evidence speaks for itself really.

I suppose I'm glad its done now, I can recover and get better. But I must take this chance here and now to thank one of my best friends ever. Ant Tremaine, you are a total, utter and complete legend for helping us get home tonight (LOVE YOU MAN!!) and to Nat, Stacey and Vicky for helping me through. Love you all loads.

Love ya

Wendy x

Hanging on by a thread.

Today, my asthma just isn't going to play ball today. At all and whatsoever. Which leads me to think that another admission could well be on the cards, not a positive thought, but at least it's realistic. I don't mind being in hospital when I need to be, I mean you meet some interesting new people and at least I'll be given something to make me feel better. And at the moment, ANYTHING is better than this.

 It started with my usual barking cough, then on Friday, it started developing a little bit of a rattle, and I was getting tired more easily than usual. I was also getting this sort of ripping pain whenever I took the smallest breath in. So me being me, I took some painkillers rested and hoped that that would be the worst of it, go to sleep and wake up feeling better. I was wrong, yesterday, it was worse, I was wheezy, nebbing every 4 hours and generally feeling terrible so I upped my pred to 20mg. That did help, but today, I just don't seem to be able to get hold of it. So my plan is, keep going as is, and if it gets worse, which for some reason I can see happening all too well, do the 9's and get abducted by the wonderful people of the West Midlands Ambulance Service.

I have a lot of respect for the people who work tirelessly for all the Ambulance Services across the UK. They really do work long hours saving the lives of people who need them, and it makes me angry when you hear about hoax calls or people calling them just because they're the easiest medical service to access. I wonder if they understand that the ambulance that could attend them could be attending a scene in which someone's life could really be in danger.

That's my rant over for now at least. Hopefully after this Ventolin/Atrovent- Ventolin only session, I'll feel better, if not then I will keep you all posted.

Look after yourselves this Halloween!

Love ya muchly

Wendy x