I think my life became somewhat formulaic. I mean we would start a week on a Sunday. I'd be pretty much burned out and exhausted, but would force myself to get up, clean the flat and ignore the pain I'd be in and not being able to breathe properly. Steve would usually be in the tail end of a sulk from Thursday, and I would have to settle that down. Then Monday and Tuesday would be tense, but we would be able to work through. Come Wednesday, Steve would have found something to fall by the wayside over and then the whole thing starts again.
I want to do things differently now. I didn't get up early, but I got the sleep I wanted and then as Steve wasn't sulking for once, I managed to get through the morning with no problems. I then had my lunch and gamed, not because I had to ask permission, but because I wanted to. I think I reached a point in muself where I realised that I didn't have to answer to anyone. I mean, yes I used to be scared of Steve and his dad, but now I just see them for what they were, pathetic children. Steve has managed to grow up a bit recently, whether this is a real change or until he thinks he'll be off the hook, I cannot say, but I would like to think that this was slightly more permanent than previous attempts.
As for me, well I think I have now started to become a bit more assertive and not allowing people or other things to use me as a crash-mat. If you have a problem with something in your life, FIX IT YOURSELF! I can't kiss all of your boo boos better or make the bad things go away. All I can do is help you, but you really do need to help yourself. This was how I was brought up.
I guess my resolution here is to just get things done.
3 years ago