OK so I have been doing some new stuff recently. Stuff I can enjoy and honestly say has been rewarding. I have always had an interest in 3D animation, always wanted to learn how to do it myself. So I asked Natt to teach me, after countless hours of experimenting (and some of the funniest expressions ever) I seem to be getting the hang of it. I am by no means an expert but I am learning by doing and the results are something I am proud of. Sometimes a new thing to learn can help and build you up from a confidence angle. I think it helps both of us, gives me a new thing to learn and Natt someone to teach and help.
It's taken me this long but I have resolved myself in to thinking "Yeah, OK, I may not have forever here, so let's fill the time with good stuff." and I have been spending so much time with people I love and enjoy being around. We have started to do more social things as a group and we have a great time in doing so. Yesterday was nice because we had a group meal at a place in town. There is something quite nice about having a decent meal with friends, even if they seem to eat about 4 times what you eat! Mike and I were talking Pokemon (next time we meet, we're both going to have our 3DS's at the ready with our Pokemon games so we can trade) and he's seen the ones I have as well as getting my Pikachu to eat the sweets we offered it.
I've had my 3DS for about 2 weeks now. I wanted one since playing on Mario with Jace at Christmas but one thing I had to remember was paying back the loan a friend gave me to set up my home. Since paying her back, I have had more to play around with and I finally took the plunge and treated myself to a red 3DSXL (I have the XL versions because they're much easier to see and you can play them with someone easier, Jace and I like Phoenix Wright games so its more fun to share) and found my DSi a new home. I don't miss "Old Blue" as much as I thought I would. Currently I have been playing Theatrhythm, a Final Fantasy music game, and despite my initial reservations, I have found it really fun to play. I also upgraded the HDD in my PS3 as well (my original one was only 12GB, I mean seriously?! Who could even play with that little memory?!) which was actually much easier than I thought it would be (simply slide off the cover, slip it in to the slot and turn the console on and you're ready to go). Yeah, I am a tech-head!
Last week, I also saw my mum, and met her new boyfriend, which was really awesome. It's been great being back in touch with my mum again. Being ill, there have been times when I have really wanted her to come and be there with me, which is normal when you're feeling vulnerable or scared. I've had some scary things happen in the last few months alone and it kind of got me thinking about life in general. Making up with my mum has been way past due because, despite our differences, you only get one mum and its in going through things alone that you realise just how much you still need her, even if you are all grown up. I think it takes a lot of courage to rebuild those kind of bridges and theres a lot that has to be said to heal the relationship. I'm glad that we got that chance. I don't feel so alone anymore and I feel happier as a result.
I think that lately, I have been filling my life with the things that make me happy, cutting out the things that made me feel bad or miserable because I figured out that people can only make you miserable when you let them. I let people push me down and make me believe that I was this horrible person who deserved what they got for so long so I am changing that. I know I didn't do anything wrong and that I didn't deserve any of this, I just have to smile and make the most of it and enjoy life while I can.
4 years ago