Well yesterday was the first day of my new medication. It is called Phyllocontin 225mg prolonged release tablets, Aminophylline Hydrate. It is different kind of medication to anything else I have used before. It is a bronchiodiolator, but unlike Salbutamol or Terbutaline, it works in a different way, relaxing the smooth muscles of the chest. It may be coincidence, but I have already started to feel a bit better, the onset of effect was about 90 minutes. I was impressed.
So yesterday, I actually managed to walk from the bus stop to home, no where near as breathless and was able for once to just use my inhaler. My peak flow was boosted to something it hasn't reached on it's own, 300 l/min, now that is more like what someone my age and height should be getting. I am down to 20mg of Pred and feeling a bit better for it. I actually am starting to feel like I am getting somewhere with all of this. It has been 12 days since my last hospital run, I am on a heroic dose of antibiotics, which will start working in a few days.
The more I think about the whole thing, I start understanding more about the way Dr Pike is working. He wants to focus on my chest in order to help treat my mind. I know that sounds really odd and usually they try to treat the mind to fix the body, but I did some research in some books, online and other sources and found out that depression, anxiety, fast heart-rate and irritability, as well as coughing up more gunk, are all symptoms of my asthma being so far out of control and the effect it was having on my self esteem. It did feel like I was failing constantly when things were going wrong, but I need to remember that none of this is my fault and blaming myself is the last thing I should be doing.
I also worked out something about Steve. He carries himself with a high level of aggression and anger, but he always assumed that it was just his nature. Until we found an old school report of his, and the teenager that it described was the person I thought Steve was. So we sat down and worked something out. Something had to have happened to Steve between school and now. More like some ONE. It turned out the reasons I couldn't let go of his dad and how he behaved towards me was because a part of him was still living, in Steve. Today we both had a go at not thinking about him or anything to do with him and it was harmonious. We didn't bicker. We didn't argue. Steve wasn't aggressive and I wasn't sarcastic and biting back.
I feel like I have dawned on the first day of the rest of my life. I am ready to take the bull by the horns and launch myself in to my new lease of life and if people don't want to be part of that. That is their problem and I say SOD them.
2 years ago