I know it's been a while but so much has been happening that has been personal in nature so I'm kind of summing up about 3 weeks worth of stuff in one blog (first blog of the new year too, happy New year) but I've just not had the energy recently. It's not just with blogging either, I've been running out of energy to do even simple stuff and my lungs have been painful throughout the experience. The day after Boxing Day, doctor called at the house to check something, take bloods and generally assess as to why I have been s unwell. Turns out that I have yet another of those horrid chest infections that I'm prone to and a lovely bit of pleurisy to go with it. It's not all been bad though, to cheer myself up a bit, ordered items from Lush, basically my favourite products come out for Christmas so in the run up, I stock up on these to make sure I last the rest of the year! I love Snow Fairy and the Twilight shower gels, they smell incredible! And my asthma doesn't seem to mind them so much. There's a couple of new things I'm trying out too, solid shower gel (looks to be like a soap but it smells amazing!) And something called a "sparkle jar". Basically a massage bar (solid body moisturising oil) with a core full of dusting powder. Now I can enjoy the soft smell I adore whenever I want and this does make me feel happy. Lavender and Tonka (which smells like vanilla) is soothing to me and when it's on my skin and bedding the result is a calmer, happier me.
I feel pretty good about how CPAP is going for me but I still have my own personal feelings about it. One of which is that I'm still unsure as to whether or not I like having to rely on yet more medical equipment in my home. Along with my CPAP, I have still got oxygen and nebulisers to maintain as well as things to help me move around on a day to day basis. I'll admit that it does feel very strange, like when you play with a vacuum cleaner and it sticks to your skin!
My back has been a nightmare recently and because of my uterus being retroverted, my monthly cycles can make it worse. Since my back has gotten worse, I find it hard to move around properly and often suffer with numbness in my lower extremities. The thing with HSP and my curvature of my spine (which is getting worse due to osteoporosis) is that the long nerves that send signals to and from my brain are pretty much dying out slowly. My nan (dad's side) has the same and I always remember how much she struggled to get up from her sofa or up and down the stairs. I understand now what she must have felt. Especially when she broke her arm from falling over and never really went out alone again. I didn't understand why and what that must have felt like until now. When you fall over, it does affect your confidence and it's easy to become frightened of that, especially when you really fall and injure yourself.
My wheelchair has meant that at least I'm not stuck at home all the time. I may not like to venture too far but being allowed to is the best thing. Being stuck indoors and staring at the same walls day in and day out can become very frustrating and the feeling of frustration can turn to depression and then the worst thoughts come in. I'm not ashamed to admit that there have been days where I sat there with a pile of pills sat there and just getting the courage to swallow them. And there's even been times where I have done things that I regretted afterwards, I did those things because I just felt so desperate and as though there wasn't any other way forward. I'm reaching out more to people now but it's really not easy for me to talk to someone about how I feel, I've always put the barriers up to protect myself from other people. It makes it very difficult to get close to people and show affection. I do feel it, I just struggle to show it.
Then I came down with flu. Flu makes anyone feel terrible so imagine how an asthmatic feels with that making those lungs work more and feeling drained and exhausted. That's where I am at the moment. I feel drained and tired, my head and neck ache, my back feels like it's been subjected to a horse trying to jump on it and my sides feel tender and sore. In all, one very unhappy Wendy! The there was more bad news that my blood tests showed that I was in trouble as my red count was extremely low and have been put through a myriad of tests to work out why. We're waiting on the results but I was started on Folic straight away, I'll be able to say more when we know it. I'll find out on Monday what my further bloods came back with but it's been flagged up somewhere.
I spent the last 3 weeks either asleep or sorting through the large cache of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards that Jace's dad brought over from Blackpool. I thought that my stacks were big, they had nothing on those! Although, I did learn about and how to play another TCG, Cardfght! Vanguard. So now I'm involved with 3 TCGs. I think that card games have helped me stay sane over the last few years when my lungs have decided that they want to be anything but! I've finally completed both of my Zane character decks and they're ready and raring to go! But I've also been working on other character decks and some theme decks too so those will be exciting to show off. I've got some really rare cards and playmats which will be nice to see.
We did lose our little Red and we did take in another pig, who was unfortunately poorly, so for now it's just Yugi and Tristan who are bounding about and squeaking for food! Love them to bits though, even if Yugi is a little turd at times! His latest game is to wait until he hears humans and then squeak as loud as he can to get us to go in and give him food! He also has a habit of turning on the charm and trying to look as sweet as possible so that we melt and give him stuff! It does work as well as when it comes to guinea pigs I am the soft touch and they have me wrapped around their little paws but they are just so sweet and loving that they deserve all the time, love and care that we can give them.
So, that's about it really.
Loves
Wendy xx
Wendy xx
