I have been having a clear out as of late. No reason really other than I was getting sick of the build up of clutter and random bits and pieces (namely paperwork) that seemed to congregate in my flat. The problem I find is that paperwork tends to mount up and even with the best intentions, you can end up with a whole pile of stuff lying around. Problem is, that paperwork tends to take up a hefty amount of bin-space but I am grateful to Natt's mum, Jojo, for gifting me with a paper shredder. Admittedly there has been something therapeutic about shredding papers and watching the confetti stream out. Actually, I use the shredded papers for animal bedding (and they LOVE it). It feels good to clear out some old odds and ends as I never realised how much had mounted up over 4 years. I actually found an old tenancy document from Redditch YMCA (I haven't lived there in 4 and a half years, seems like forever!) and I took great pleasure in destroying it as it is no longer needed or legally required.
I'm back up to date with everything now as well. Particularly things like bills. I admit during a period where I was feeling despondent in April meant that I started to fall behind. A quick clip around the ear mentally and I managed to get back on track. I think that sometimes it is my usual way of coping and I tend to shut off emotionally during times of stress and duress because I can't cope with the world and just want to close myself off from it all. It's just a coping mechanism. Kind of like when I sometimes talk to my models. I know it sounds daft but talking to toys is something I have done since I was a child and in some ways, it can be refreshing to have someone to talk to who doesn't laugh, judge or yell at you. They keep secrets too! Heck if my Advent Children Sephiroth could talk, I would be scared because he knows everything about me!
I guess sometimes I wish I could be like the kid in "The Indian in the Cupboard" who could bring toys magically to life. Except I wouldn't have a mini Indian warrior as a friend. I would have my Sephiroth models! I'm not ashamed of admitting that I do talk to them. I do tell them what's bothering me, sometimes its just to sound it out. I even make sure I have one of my Sephiroth models (as well as my plushie) with me when I go in to hospital to give me comfort and reassurance when I feel scared or upset. I have had to deal with so much on my own over the years so any way of taking the edge off it, even for a little bit, helps because there are times when I am trying to convince myself that I can do this when I am really struggling with it. I guess we all need that kind of thing sometimes and you can't hold strong for everyone forever and sometimes you need to have a moment where you let yourself fall apart and let yourself unleash the pent up emotions. And that is fine too.
Sometimes you have to accept that you can't keep it together. Stress is a very big issue for me as it can affect so many of my conditions and cause me so many painful problems. Stress can bring on my IBS and make it more sensitive. It can run me down to the point where my body starts to fight itself as well as whatever it is battling so I end up coming out in hives. Thursday night was horrible because the attack started at around 9 and by 11, I think I was just exhausted. It was the most pain I had experienced in a while, my whole right side felt as though it was burning and it still felt like that the other today (Saturday) and I have had what I think of as "aftershock" attacks. Think of an attack as an earthquake. It hits and when it hits it just completely knocks everything out of balance. Then afterwards for up to 2 weeks you can have smaller attacks (or even sometimes one that is bigger than the first) which wear you right down. Being asthmatic is an exhausting thing and attacks can have such a strain on your body. And if I haven't got over the last one, the next can be just brutal.
Unfortunately, when you live with someone upstairs who seems to think it's their right to make others miserable, that kind of gets difficult. This is a person who I think actually gets off on making others suffer for his own gain, but like all bullies, he is sadly mistaken if he believes that I am actually going to take this lying down and let him make my life miserable. As annoying as it is at the moment, its reminding myself that each episode is another entry in the diary sheets, and each recording is another piece of evidence (because we all know what he did when the knew last time (because it wasn't obvious at all) and turned it down while they investigated) that will get this situation brought to a close. Hopefully. I'm not asking for something unreasonable like total silence all the time. What I am asking for is to not have pounding dance music rattling through my home, knocking things off shelves and making the fixtures fall down and making me feel restless and annoyed. I went back to the council because although we did have an agreement, it got to the stage where it was constant on his part and I was getting tired of having to message him every single day (often a few times), but that is my say on the matter really.
I got some new guinea pig pups yesterday. Since losing Tigger, poor
Bumble was all on his own and if you know guinea pigs like I do, you
know that guinea pigs need the company of other guinea pigs as well as
human companionship. They are very social animals by nature and they
often become nervous and depressed when they have to live alone. The
worst thing about how we lost Tigger was how sudden it was but that's
how it happens when an animal dies due to stress related illness
(because who wouldn't find the constant pounding of dance music being
played at inconsiderate volumes stressful?) and it did leave poor
Bumbles feeling a bit traumatised and even now, if he hears dance music
he whimpers, which to me as an animal lover is awful to watch.
new piggies are as usual little balls of amusement, cute and very
friendly. I went with my mum and Dave to go and see what they had, we
did originally pick out a couple of youngsters but they weren't ready to
be sold yet. I had originally spotted a young pup on his own and
thought "you are cute" and I was more than happy to take him on along
with a slightly older boar (I think hes about 18-20 weeks old, so
hitting puberty) who looked just like Scruff or Becky's pig Zell. He has
been named Kaiba (a bit of a joke as he has blue eyes and white fur,
hes a Blue Eyes White Guinea Pig!). He was a bit funny with Bumble and
the younger pup, who is called Yugi (names from the original Yu-Gi-Oh
anime, Yugi was small yet strong willed and feisty enough to fight for
himself, Kaiba was a rich kid who was a bit of a loner at first but soon
became more of a friend to the others and a rival for Yugi) and is a
bit of a humper at the moment (there's always one isn't there!) but hes
settling down and I caught them all nibbling and snuggling together.
group already seem to be alright with each other, there was a little
scrapping to start but that's a normal thing at first because like any
other creature, groups have to establish a pecking order. It's a typical
thing for the males to be a bit more feisty about it but it does calm
down. I've had pigs in the past who were similar (the exception being
Hope who had a tumour in his brain) and it does soon stop. The older
pig, in this case Bumble, just has to keep the younger ones in place.
Like Tenzou did when he was put with Bumble, Tigger and Scruff. It's a
shame we lost Scruff so soon as I wish I had watched him grow, I wonder
if he would look like Kaiba does now. I still don't know what happened
exactly, he was popcorning around one minute and we found him dead as
soon as we got back from the local shop, probably a period of 5-10
minutes or so. Never did find out how or why that happened but Tigger
and Bumble, who were of the same litter, thrived and grew so that was a
mystery really. Watching the new balls of energy and fluff running around the cage has definitely lifted my moods, even in the shop, watching baby guinea pigs bounding around is something I have always enjoyed. Especially when they come up and wheek to say "hello!!"
I'm going to take the next few days steady as there isn't a lot that I need to do now!
11 months ago