We walk a tightrope every day and no one seems to understand it. We sometimes think we can deal with a lot more than we can but let's be real. We can't. We are human. We know our bodies and the limitations of them. We may not like it but its our reality.
When things got bad for me, I had to give up so many things like my flute, my last song on that was one I knew from my Grade 1 and I knew it so well I could play without the music. I sat in my room with it and played this song, the first song played on my even older Germinhardt flute that I had had since I was 10. Playing my flute always made me feel so happy and I enjoyed it so much, I won't say that I was at the level of James Gallway but I was pretty good. I remember my mum listening like she did when I was a child to me practice, she always enjoyed it and encouraged me with music and art as they were things I was actually pretty good at.
I wonder of course what might have been, who doesn't. I also had planned to go to university to study Media and Film production, for a passion, or even a career in nursing eventually. I had so many plans mapped out for me and so many things that I wanted to achieve. Don't get me wrong, I have achieved an awful lot over the years and I am thankful that at least my teens and early adult years had some normality. And believe me that is something I will always be grateful for. Maybe its not just about what we have to give up on or what dreams need to be pruned but what we do afterwards to replace those dreams and aspirations. You can blame others until the cows come home for dreams having to go on hold or scrapped but it's really down to you whether or not you find new dreams and new things to aspire to.
That's not to say though that we don't struggle with how we feel about those dreams having to die. It took me a long time to accept that things weren't going to be as simple as they were back then. When I went in to a wheelchair after years of fighting like a lion to stay out of one, I will admit that did innitially feel like defeat because I knew I was getting worse but I really wanted to fight it. Admitting that the oxygen was going to be part of things whether I liked it or not and that I need a CPAP to give my lungs some rest and get ready for the next day ahead. It's about assessing your situation and reminding yourself that even if things change in a way you hate, you have to adapt. You have to keep adapting.