Update...

Well it seems Steve managed to suck it up and stop acting like a spoiled child. For this I am glad. Upstairs however, decided to have one of their mad dance parties that they have on a regular basis. So this means EXCESSIVELY loud music and what sounds like hippos playing musical chairs and falling over themselves. This usually goes on until 2-3 AM. Not a palatable prospect when you have to rest to clear your chest off and get rid of fluid.

All I want to do is sleep and be out of pain, is that really too much to ask for, really?

It looks like there is another flat that needs a noise abatement order as this is completely unfair and they know of the situation, heck they were watching me go in to the ambulance from their balcony so really they should have used common sense. If someone has been in hospital around you, it is only courtesy to keep the noise down so that they recover. Or am I just being an idealist here? Someone please tell me I am DYING to know so I can adjust my attitude as needed.

I really need sleep. I am becoming tearful and overtired and its really starting to affect my judgment and making me 100% more irrational, so I keep getting wound up, but unfortunately my neighbors REFUSE to let me get some sleep. I hope they read this and realise that they are starting to make my health suffer and my piece of mind is rapidly ebbing away.

At least I have managed to cough a bit, not shifted anything but its a start. It really is exhausting when I cough and it hurts a lot. I am so tired that eating is like an Olympic event and nebbing has become a 4 hourly ritual. Fun. The very good news is my temp is down from 40.6 to 37.5 so thats a start in itself. I will get through this.

Loves
Wendy x

Waking up, the morning after the night before...

Last night was probably the icing on the shit-cake that was the last week. If I had ever cried that much over something, I'll be surprised. I was tired, in pain and just wanted to sleep. Steve was in one all day yesterday, and when I found out what it was that made him stress me out like that, I couldn't have him near me for a while so I asked him to leave, followed with verbal abuse and being told that I was uncaring (OK for someone who didn't care, I managed to sob myself in to more pain). Then I got when I needed, remorse. True remorse from someone who never realised what they were doing until it got to that point.

The good news is we talked and decided to carry on together, but we are no longer engaged. We got engaged way too quickly and it really was a bad idea for me to enter this. I was dumb, and I followed my heart too far, ignoring my head.

I slept OK in the end, but had a searing headache behind my temples, to contend with the pain in my sides and chest because my lungs have fluid inside them. This is a very unpleasant prospect and its hard because its left me exhausted and I just want to fall asleep and stay there for a while and being comfortable and content. I get sick of pain sometimes I think, even if I pretend that it's OK and I'm surviving, but right now I am so weak, I can't even get the strength to cough and shift what it is thats in there. So right now I am having a neb of saline solution and getting what rest is permissible. Next door has woken me up once or twice today and its left me somewhat cranky and tired.

Here's hoping really, for the comfortable rest and shifting this myself, or I will have to face the alternative, having it drained off for me. I really don't want this as it is painful and would mean a long stay in hospital. Just before Christmas as well.

Much Love
Wendy x

Stroppy lungs...

I really wish sometimes that things could, I don't know, go my way a little bit. I am getting increasingly more breathless as the week rolls on and there is that part of me that hopes I can go acute soon so I can go to the hospital without being turned away as soon as I get there. The problem with acute hospitals, people who are ill, but can't get in to doctor's as it is WAY too busy with old dears wanting antibiotics for the common cold or other minor problems which are usually self care (these are my GP's own words not mine, I just agree with him), can go, get treated and the care they need. Other than waiting at home for things to become bad enough to get to hospital and get diagnosed and treated properly. I am in that limbo inbetween this. Heres hoping soon somethings going to happen and I can get sorted before this gets to the point where I nearly die, again.

Enough about that rant I think or I would be here all day and probably most of tomorrow. Which will leave everyone exactly where we are in a situation where they cannot be happy. It is so snowy here and as cold as it is, I think its really pretty to look at. I am hoping for a white Christmas this year, but instead of dust (spending Christmas at Steve's dad's place landed me in such a state I spent January in a serious condition), I hope it will be snow. Of course allowing myself and a friend of mine to meet towards the end of the month, I am really looking forward to meeting her as she is AWESOME and has shown me how strong an individual can be in the face of adversity. She knows who she is and how amazing I think she is, I tell her every day.

A bit concerned about Steve's general attitude just lately, he has been snapping at me pretty much constantly, which makes me wonder if I did anything wrong here. Or if he is just getting fed up of the guy next door and his music, which is still going on, but we are starting the process of noise abatement, however long that takes. I don't know, I have never been in that sort of position before as my neighbors have usually been nice and understanding people. I guess when it comes to Steve, he'll either tell me why he's snapping at me constantly or he won't, but I really do need him to stop it as none of this is actually my fault and snapping at me isn't going to help any of this at all.

My head feels so fuzzy and I am having trouble staying awake because struggling this much is absolutely exhausting so I am going to leave you all now and maybe have a sleep and recover my strength a little. I will update later, or get Steve to, depending on what happens.

Loves
Wendy x