Ever look back on something you posted or said a few years ago and thought to yourself "OK, that's a sign of how far I've come." and then smiled a massive grin because you know you got there in the end? I get that some days when I look back on my Facebook posts, blogs and even if some old emails surface. Life, it's about change and growth, moving on from things and making your lot in life better. In the last decade alone, I have changed a lot of my attitudes and learned how to be an adult, how to make the best of a sucky situation and how to take my own situation in to my own hands and control what happens next.
It's weird to think that over 10 years ago, I was about to move from my parents in to my first ever place. I was living the life of a typical young woman at the time and I was working. My asthma was still a butthole but it was tamable with my inhalers. Life was pretty sweet and that summer was spent doing things I loved. Those few months at Room 7 held memories that I still smile about. When it was just me, Patch and my tiny hamster Zeke, the cold winter where 3 of us all curled up for cuddles, Zeke used to climb up on Patch's back and I'd gently pet both of them while watching anime. I learned a lot about life in the first 2 months on my own than I had ever known in 20 years and it was really a time of emotional growth for me. I learned how important it was to pay bills, buy my own food and do all the things that, up until that point, other people had done for me. It was tough and there were times where I had to juggle my money about but it made me stronger. It taught me to be resourceful and about thrift. Even now, people ask me how I manage to live well on benefits, the answer is simple. Live within your means.
That's the thing about life really! It's a journey that everyone goes on, sometimes we walk together for a while and sometimes we walk by ourselves. We choose the paths we go on and no other can be held to account for bad choices (and trust me when I say this, we all make them but it's what we do afterwards that's the key). It's your choice whether you stagnate or pull your big-girl (or boy, depending on your gender of course) pants, face the good and the not so great consequences and most importantly, learn from it. There really is no point in wallowing. Too many people make the mistake of wallowing in their own situation and become so "comfortably depressed" that they don't make any real attempt to change it, besides it's easier to just blame others in that situation I suppose. But you can only blame others for so long.
I certainly didn't wallow and stay at Stanley Close when it was becoming more difficult for me to live there due to my disability getting worse. To be honest, maybe it was the right time for me to move on as I just didn't suit the area or my surroundings anymore. Honestly though, I can say with 100% certainty that moving to the bungalow has really improved my mental state as well as my quality of life. I love waking up to birdsong rather than bratty kids. I love that we don't hear police sirens every day. It's peaceful here. It's more suited to someone with my limitations and we're both happy as we're together (and have been for nearly 3 years). I feel like I'm finally settled though and don't think I would want to leave here! Our home may not be perfect but it's ours and we love being here.
I don't think that I could have things any better than they are now. But who knows what tomorrow brings? All I know is that if it isn't what we really want, it'll always be what we need. I'm not going to open any doors to the past and I am continuing to go forward and keep our ideal little world going.