For life's little ups and downs.

A rather quirky, funny and sometimes daunting look in to the life of someone who has a lot of health problems but does their best to keep positive. Punctuated by guinea pigs, anime, superheroes, transforming robots and cross stitching.

I started this blog to tell my story, about who I am and what I do. On top of the health problems and raising awareness for those, I also use my blog as a way to help promote other causes, particularly ones which affect the most vulnerable. I live with a number of different and complex health problems but I refuse to let anything get me down. I know how it feels to be discriminated against or thrown aside. This is me. This is my life. I live it and do what I want with it. Nature sets the limitations. We set the boundaries.

About Me:

A blog about life. I live with Bi-Polar Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as well as Type 1 Brittle Asthma, Various Allergies, Neutropenia, Chronic IBS, Osteo and Rheumatoid Arthritis, PCOS and Osteoporosis and Heredetary Spastic Paraplegia. I live with these conditions, but I refuse to let them keep me down and out. I still try and make the most of my days despite being so poorly and having to rely on my wheelchair, nebulisers, nearly 50 pills a day and 2l/min of oxygen.

I'll flap my broken wings and erase it all someday... You'll see.

Saturday, 5 March 2011

Sleep...

I must have been feeling rough, after running around and clearing out the store room again with Steve, I mean really sifting through boxes and cupboards, throwing away the rubbish and generally freshening things up, I didn't expect to lay down and fall asleep like that. I only lay for a moment to get my breath, have a neb and then intended to busy myself with some other small tasks, some artwork I wanted to get done and other things. This was about half 1 in the afternoon.

I woke up again about quarter to 5 wondering how long I had been asleep and was wondering about some things. One of which I was sure I dreamed, but alas I hadn't. Halfway through my nap, I had gotten up, coughed up some green muck, blew my nose and then apparently went in to a rant about how crap my bladder was... I honestly thought I had dreamed it, but Steve told me what I had said, before getting up and well answering the call of nature, curling back up and going back to sleep. I don't think I have been this exhausted in a long time, but between fighting this infection, and everything else that happened this last week. It really didn't ever end and when it all came to a head, I was left a little dejected and in that sort of empty, numb calm and didn't really work out how exactly I had been feeling.

I have an amazing skill in pushing everything down. I can smile and laugh, acting completely normal and healthy, while inside I am screaming and in so much pain, feeling so unwell and just wanting it all to end. It is something I was always told to do, no one likes a pity party and sympathy just doesn't really exist, so I had to learn to deal with things my own way. Admittedly my own way often seems destructive and I turn a lot inward. I still haven't come to terms with a lot of the last year, heck a lot of it just hasn't sunk in. I keep asking myself "Is this really the best I can expect from life now?" then start hating myself for even going there. I suppose all I want is to just work this out and not have to be reminded every day when I start struggling for breath after doing things, waking up on the floor because I was so exhausted, a job or 3 half done and feeling so just angry with everything so that I have to take a tablet at night, just to get some kind of sleep.

I guess I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I just want people to understand that at the moment things are just harder than I admit to.

Loves
Wendy xx

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