So I am beginning the process of moving on from my home in Abbeydale to a small bungalow on the other side of town. Basically, the main reason this is happening is that my place now currently doesn't fit my ever growing and ever changing needs and it's no longer safe or practical for me to live here anymore. My new place is lovely, out of the way and in a really quiet area where I am unlikely to run in to any issues (not having anyone upstairs will be a huge part of that, its not easy to have people living on top of each other and it causes more friction than anything else) that I have had here. Don't get me wrong, I have loved this flat and it has been my home for nearly 5 years and it does kind of suck to move on but I'm just looking towards the future. There are things I will miss in Abbeydale (mainly some of the people here were quite lovely) and things I won't (like the acrid stink of weed in the air which seems to linger throughout the estate).
My new place is a lovely little bungalow, one bedroom (with cool sliding doors between the bed and living rooms so that I can almost live open plan), a small room which will be the animal room, kitchen, hall and wet-room. This means that I can be a lot more independent and able to take care of my own needs a bit easier. This is fantastic because I won't rely just on carers, although they are a fab bunch, and I will be able to live my life in a way that suits me better. Obviously with moving comes a lot of work and stress but its all going to become a part of that "greater good" that I have been working hard towards. I want a better life for myself. I want a better future with people (and of course my animals, without whom I would be empty) who I care about and I want to be able to cast off the past and get on with my life.
The past is the past. Get over it and move on. Don't wallow in the misery and become a martyr to it then complain when suddenly you find yourself completely alienated and alone. I've moved on from a lot over the last few years and the whole thing didn't kill me. It made me stronger. I learned that I must value my own self as well as putting the other people's needs (not wants) first and that in trying to be kind, I put myself in situations that I really didn't want to be in. The key to moving on is to know that even though you made a few errors, you aren't a bad person. You are entitled to be happy. And no one ever has the right to make you feel otherwise because they want to stay anchored to one thing in the past.
I have enjoyed the nearly 5 years I lived in this flat. Theres been laughter, love, friendship and a sense of belonging here. There have been great times and times when things seemed to be harder to work around but the main thing is that I never let things get too bad. I think that a new year and a new start will be fantastic for me and it may even help me with my health. Being in a quieter part of town and in a place that's easier to access may be the best thing for me. I'm not for one moment suggesting that I will be perfectly well and not on oxygen or in a wheelchair but maybe these good days which I hear so much about may come to pass more often and hopefully when I have done my week of assessments, tests and trials at Heartlands (we don't know when that will be yet), there could be light at the end of the tunnel and hope that things are going to move on and get better.
We just need to hope and keep a bit of a positive look forward to the future and if we do, we will get there. Just got to keep pushing now.
4 years ago