I guess with things being so much quieter recently I have been in a good place mentally to start make plans for the future. After all, to not make the most of the time we have when we can is an insult to anyone who died before getting a chance. Its not like I have been thinking much about death but I did have to get used to the reality of the fragility of life at a relatively young age (at the age of 21 when things asthma-wise got so much worse) as my peers and people who I grew up with were at the start of their lives as parents, spouses or anything else that they worked hard towards. I would be lying if I didn't say that sometimes I envy them and feel a little embittered to have never had that chance, but I do appreciate the wonders of the friendships, love and bonds I share with those who I am closest to.
In the last 4 years I have learned to come to terms with myself and my situation. I don't look at life with an illness as a barrier but more of a set of challenges that I can see a way around. After all, where there is a strong will, there is a way around anything. If only one is willing to look for it. Sometimes I think that being depressed about a situation can push you to forget your strength and can make the adversity seem all the greater. But I also believe that you can be too optimistic and that can lead to dejection when things go wrong.
When things go wrong, its stupidly easy to blame others and lash out. Heck we all do it from time to time, but it is, in my experience, better to just say "OK it happened and it didn't work out the way I wanted. What can I learn from this?" and let it go. Letting go is the best thing in the world and the best part of it is that you choose to do so and in doing that you choose to make a future for yourself. This is why I don't allow the past to follow me like some pathetic ghost that can't just disappear. The past is baggage and a burden that I don't need, or want for that matter.
So, this is my life now. I'm living in a comfortable home with the animals I adore as well as the best friend you could wish for. I'm in a steady and stable relationship with a man who makes me feel special, even on days when I have trouble in seeing it in myself. Its not the perfect life but it is safe to say that I have made the best of it and turned a sows ear in to a silk purse.