LOOOOWWWWWW...

This was out of the blue, but I have always been advised to keep an eye on how my body behaves, things like Peak Flow, Temperature and now Blood Pressure. This came from the nurse measuring it when I went for my blood tests to find it was really low. It has ALWAYS been low, but she seemed a little worried so I decided to humor her. So I brought a Wrist Blood Pressure Monitor. A strange gadget really that takes an accurate reading of blood pressure at home.

I got home and had a rest for a while, after sorting out a million and one things in one day, well not literally, but when you've been up since about 8 and have only really gotten to settle down and chill out round about now. It has been MAD!

First things first it was payday... This is a sure-fire way to stress, tears and a downswing that lasts for days and a guilt cycle if I spend my share that little bit wiser. So I was already on edge on this one so I just did what I usually do, focus on the first task ahead and get moving.

The first task was an appointment with Dr Pike. It started with some excellent news that other than a slight raise to my cholesterol (and I mean it was abnormal by 0.1 mmol/L) but as my weight loss has been excellent just lately we don't think this will be an issue and when we repeat all my tests in 3 months time (monitoring how my body is working) it will be reduced and a LOT better. The main thing we were worried about was my blood glucose levels. People being treated with anti-psychotics and steroids (amongst other things) can develop diabetes as a result. We wanted to check this out and make sure that this wouldn't be an issue, and it was GREAT news, my blood glucose levels were perfect!! I was so happy about this.

We then went over my recent A & E trip and make sure that all of the muck was clearing off my chest and I am on the road to recovery. More good news is that this is all clearing up and I am starting to feel a lot better. A good listen and it sounds like its all going well other than a mild flu bug that has been going round congesting my nose and making me feel a bit deflated and tired. I am dancing as this is all FANTASTIC news and after the last week, this was just what I needed a clean bill of health for once. We renewed my sick note, although my infection is going away and all is good there, my asthma is STILL on a mission to wind me up, Dr Pike advised me to keep up with my nebs and inhalers, and I really was looking better than I had in a while. Since having my neb at home, things have been so much better. I can get on top of things before they get so bad that I need to go in to hospital, which is as reassuring as it is a boost to my morale.

Yet again, I digress, I then went to collect my prescription, we had to be back at the Doctor's for about 11:40 anyway as Steve had an appointment to see Dr Pike, but we had about 2 hours to kill. We decided that we would go and get our household things, take those home with us and then head on home for a bit. We did this and chilled out for a good while, a nice drink, before heading off to take in my sick note to the Job Centre, post off a few other forms and what have you.

Then for once it was my turn to be in the chaperone's chair. It felt a little surreal, I will admit that and I helped Steve explain what was wrong, after a good chat with the student doctor Sara, and another chat with Dr Pike, it was decided that Steve had a depressive illness. I had expected that to be quite honest. He's been started on some tablets and by the looks of things, I think he'll be OK. So that went well.

The last big job today was food shopping. How mad are supermarkets this time of year!! We also got our decorations for Christmas up and the flat looks WOW! This time last year, everything was so depressing and the only things we had were the cast offs Steve's dad didn't want. Our money was really messed up and we had nothing. Between us, we were so miserable and I was always getting sick. I can honestly say that was a low point where I made the promise that this year would be 100% better than last year. I NEVER wanted to have that sort of low ever again and the admission to hospital on boxing day really was the icing on the shit-cake, but that is another story.

So after a mad day, I managed to take a resting blood pressure reading... 96 / 58 with a pulse of 100, I had to laugh, after a mad stressful day I really expected it to be something ridiculously high!

Love ya muchly!
Wendy x

Feeling off...

I guess by now, I would have really expected to have been feeling loads better by now and my asthma wouldn't be anywhere near as twitchy or a pain in the neck. I am feeling a bit better I will admit but its not as far along as I would have wanted to be. My Peak Flow has barely been over 250 l/min after a nebuliser and even as low as 90 l/min before hand. So you can imagine my frustration as I keep up with my regimen of pills, nebulisers and inhalers.

I'm barely eating much at the moment and all I seem to want to do is play on Sims 2, sleep and sew. The problem is, at the moment all of these seem to leave me shattered and even the smallest movements leave me gasping for breath. I can't lie on my left side at all right now or I can't breathe at all and am coughing up thick green mucus which I get the feeling that if it weren't for the saline, I wouldn't shift at all. I have my appointment with Dr Pike tomorrow so hopefully we can make a decision on this one as the fluid hasn't budged by itself yet, although it probably won't until the infection clears up. The kicker, this is the same infection I have been fighting since last month, but each course has just backed it down and its flared right back up again. I have had this before and it nearly resulted in an ITU admission which I really don't wish to be facing again.

I guess what this is, is a general answer to all those who are ask me how I feel right now, its so complex and its a nightmare to keep saying it over and over again when even typing 1 or 2 words make me feel shattered. I know its stark and I haven't pulled any punches, frankly, I find that pulling punches on this one would be for the good of no-one. I can't lie, I am still not well, and it is an up hill thing. One thing is for certain, I WILL GET THROUGH THIS. I always do.

*EDIT*
Went to see housing officer about the excessive noise problem which has made life miserable for myself and Steve, and he is going to investigate and take action against them and what they have been doing. On the downside, going out in the freezing cold and ice has left me decidedly worse for wear. Luckily I have an appointment tomorrow with Dr Pike, unfortunately means if I get worse, I have to either hold on for dear life or go to hospital. Whew!

Much Love
Wendy xx

Review with Dr Pike...

This morning was my review with Dr Pike after the last couple of turbulent weeks. I like Dr Pike, he is a good doctor and he treats me almost like a friend, instead of a ball of neuroses, but this appointment went a lot better than I expected really. After a chat, a peak-flow and a good listen in to my lungs, he said that yep, the infection was still there. Which would explain the fact I was shivering, sweating and had a temperature which one minute was really low (34.4) and then high (38.9) the next. I was in a right tizzy. Also was told to use my neb as much as I needed to, refills on my prescription are always on the cards. That was reassuring. The same with my Prednisolone, let my peak flow and general feeling be my guide.

Basically I'm being told by everyone to trust my instincts, because they're usually right. He also put my painkillers which were usually acute to a repeat prescription as he said that after 2 weeks of me using them and having them available, I looked better for a few nights better sleep and without that look of pain that usually makes me look all the more haggard at times.

So the glass is definitely more full these days and I feel a lot better in myself, spending hours with a sketch book, or just curled up with a good book, now I'm on incapacity indefinitely I guess it means I have WAY more time on my hands to do what ever it is I do these days. Usually it involves drawing, sleeping, sewing and card making.

Any ideas?

Love Ya
Wendy x

Bit more of an Update...

I felt bad for copping out and not giving you guys a more through update on how I've been these last few days. I think its probably because I wanted to avoid it, its a pride thing and me not wanting to be a bother to anyone.

I ended up with another LRTI (to the layman a lower respiratory tract infection, which most signs point to the beginnings of another pneumonia, something I have had many times and know full well the consequences, hopefully we got it early again before it had chance to get nasty). and LRTI isn't that big of a deal usually, just extra Prednisolone and Antibiotics to clear it up and build me up a bit. Unfortunately, this one could be a little more stubborn to clear. Am going to see my GP tomorrow and see what he says and recommends, if I get out of there without more Antibiotics I will be lucky. Worst case scenario could be another trip in to hospital and even a few days in, which is not a prospect I really relish.

So, here I am, exhausted and nebbing every couple of hours or so again and trying to keep a fever in check. Steve has been brilliant and making sure I rest and keep warm, but I can't help but think he is getting resentful of this situation or even sick of me. I do wish I could change this and make it so I wasn't getting so ill all the time, but it hurts more that I can't do anything about it. I'd be lying if I didn't admit it makes me unhappy at times. But at other times, I understand, and have learned to accept my situation, so perhaps its now his turn.

Now, I've got that off my chest, I feel slightly less saddened by this situation. Heck having a certain jerk contacting me out of the blue to attack me and try and start a slanging match didn't bother me that much. On the contrary, I found being called a "Pathological Liar" by a person who is a cleptomaniac, sadist and bully really very VERY funny, and for the record dear "brother", yes, I do deserve the everything I am getting, every single win and success that I am enjoying. I do deserve the support from a loving family and some of the most amazing friends in the world ever. Oh and Yes, I do deserve the happiness that I enjoy every single day of my life, while you are left to wallow in the past because you can't let go.

Now I call THAT therapy!

Love ya
Wendy x 

I did it!

I got through today, but it really hasn't been easy and I ended up nebbing every 2 hours, not unusual, but luckily I didn't go acute enough to need hospital treatment, not just yet anyway. I think the time has come to make a visit to my lovely GP, Dr P, and see what he says about all this.

Love ya all and thanks for reading x