I am so happy right now and everything just feels OK. I never was one for jumping in with both feet, but its like being free. OK so I am not Asthma free, but I am coping better and my attacks, yes they are bad and they are a daily thing still, but I feel supported and more able to cope now. I am with someone who actually understands me as a person and not just because I am like someone else. I finally feel loved and cherished and that is something I always needed.
I mean yes with Steve there were some good days and there were some good times. But there was a lot of other stuff as well as that and I never felt as though I was a factor in his life, or if I was, his Dad was always the bigger part. I never did like to play 2nd string to anyone's fiddle. I am glad though that we managed to end on good terms, rather than screaming at each other from halfway across Redditch. This is a positive step really and I am finally moving forward rather than staying in a situation that was not even funny, it was just miserable and cruel.
With Mike it was fantastic when it was going well, but we just couldn't keep it together when things got difficult, but when we got together, we were so young. I was only at the tender age of 16 and he was 19 years old. We were a couple of kids really when we got together, but amazingly, we managed to have a 5 year relationship. There are not many kids who can do that. It was a messy end, but again, we managed to keep things civil and pleasant enough and now, hes one of my friends. He is one of the nicest people I have ever met and I am glad to have him in my life.
Tom is my 3rd time Lucky. I always had a system of 3s. Life seems to move that way somehow and its so unique to find someone so kind, caring and compassionate rather than someone who just made me feel horrible about myself. I don't really want to go in to the nitty/gritty of what made the relationship fail as bad as it did but these things unfortunately do happen and we just have to make the most of them when we can and find the light at the end of the tunnel. I just wish that we had found it a lot quicker and it would have spared us both a few months of anger and heartache. I am sorry about that, I really am, but I did my best and we all need to believe that.
Now with Tom, I refuse to make the same mistakes and I really want to take this slowly and easier. I like having someone I can spend an evening with, watch a stupid film and have some nice food, play some games and then curl up happily and fall asleep somewhere safe. I know most people like a period of being single between relationships, but honestly, this is what works for me. I think I finally cut the cord when I am over the relationship itself, I guess then I can move on and I am sure that I did everything I could to try and salvage what relationship I had. Selfish, maybe, but maybe that is just what works for me and saves me acting rashly at random.
Yesterday we finished moving Steve's things out of the flat. That was weird, but I didn't really get too upset about the whole thing. I think by that point, it was just natural to move him out and move on with my life.
4 years ago