It all goes to hell and it all goes to hell all at once. Its just been one of those more frustratingly long and irritating days where everything that could have gone awry did and nothing went well, I kicked a chair through temper and my ankle is swollen and bruised, fun.
I think on reflection it was always going to be one of those miserable and uncomfortable days and I didn't get out the right side of anything. Heck, I don't think I was even close to it this time. I wasn't in the mood to be messed about with, by anyone, and certainly not anything. Like I said, I would not have been held accountable for my actions at any point today as it was just one of THOSE days.
Now, I do understand that I can be highly strung and very capricious about things, but that has always been who I am and how I make my decisions on things. I had spent the last WEEK or so being subject to noise, not sleeping, bottling up my anger (not out of choice but not having a ranting space other than here) and just generally feeling the whole situation just building up on me again, not like getting angry ever solved anything, but it is often a whole other thing than getting angry with the wrong person, which is the commonest mistake that everyone can be accused of.
I actually got angry at the RIGHT person for a change. A housing officer whose lack of knowledge of housing law and basic human rights needed to be called up on this. He can't expect us to work out arrears that we didn't even run up when he refused to do anything to help us as well. I mean the noise around here has been ridiculous. Things have been falling off our walls and for some peace, I even considered taking a nap in the store room, but why should I be driven out when someone else wants to act like a complete and utter tool.
Then the biggest test came, me and Steve have been having some financial troubles, especially when it came to the rent arrears, its a touchy subject and I really didn't need heckling by the housing officer and then have HIM on my case as well. OK he is worried that we could lose our place, I know this, heck, I worry about it as well.
I lost it. In my most uncharacteristic way. I just grabbed everything I could and threw it. Models, lego and notably a cup, watching them smash on the floor. Don't ask me why it felt good, it just did and I stopped eventually in the middle of my mess, breathing heavily and just taking a few minutes. We then calmly and quietly cleaned up the mess, I looked at the broken models, luckily, all but 1 are repairable, so at least thats something, but it doesn't make it right. I won't feel better until they are all repaired, cleaned and displayed in the correct places, but that is just me feeling bad as I smashed a few of Steve's things, even though he said he took it as payback for the things of mine he smashed in temper. But the world of an eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth is full of blind people and dentures.
Ahh well, lets see how tomorrow goes...
2 years ago