For life's little ups and downs.

A rather quirky, funny and sometimes daunting look in to the life of someone who has a lot of health problems but does their best to keep positive. Punctuated by guinea pigs, anime, superheroes, transforming robots and cross stitching.

I started this blog to tell my story, about who I am and what I do. On top of the health problems and raising awareness for those, I also use my blog as a way to help promote other causes, particularly ones which affect the most vulnerable. I live with a number of different and complex health problems but I refuse to let anything get me down. I know how it feels to be discriminated against or thrown aside. This is me. This is my life. I live it and do what I want with it. Nature sets the limitations. We set the boundaries.

About Me:

A blog about life. I live with Bi-Polar Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as well as Type 1 Brittle Asthma, Various Allergies, Neutropenia, Chronic IBS, Osteo and Rheumatoid Arthritis, PCOS and Osteoporosis and Heredetary Spastic Paraplegia. I live with these conditions, but I refuse to let them keep me down and out. I still try and make the most of my days despite being so poorly and having to rely on my wheelchair, nebulisers, nearly 50 pills a day and 2l/min of oxygen.

I'll flap my broken wings and erase it all someday... You'll see.

Tuesday, 22 February 2011

How are You?

Am I the only person who absolutely hates that question? I mean I know its one that is asked so that people can find out how you feel and how things are going, but for me, it is where I really fall down. I have never been one to admit to myself how I really feel, let alone admit things publicly. One thing I have noticed that this blog has given me is that place that I can actually talk about how I feel and what was on my mind. I will admit there have been times when I have typed out a long post about how I honestly feel about things, read it back and then deleted the lot.

Whenever anyone asks me if I am OK, I have always gone with what my mother taught me. She always used to say that there was always someone else who was worse off than you and that you should be thankful for what you have. I was told this especially after asthma attacks when I would be flat out for at least a day and would either sleep or not really do much else. She used to call me lazy if I wanted to sleep all day, threatening to drag me through the intensive care unit to see what "Real" sick people look like. It was only after a couple of bad episodes where I was saved by my supervisors at work (funnily enough I used to work at Stafford Hospital), one of which I was very ill and they were worried I would die, that my mother realised how unpleasant my asthma could be at times.

The problem is, I have always blocked out how I feel and pretended everything is OK, even when I was at the point of dropping. Heck, I still do it now and I pretend that I am fine, even when I'm lying in hospital being given this that and the other and still struggling to breathe. They only find out how sick I am, only through examinations and tests, often taking people by surprise as I push myself to look and appear so well.

Last night's episode wasn't that complicated and it was luckily resolved by nebs and later advice from my GP to up my Pred and lower it slowly (I'll see him in a week or so, so he can help me reduce slowly and at a pattern that won't make me get even sicker). My oxygen levels were a bit crappy and I was barely awake by the time the paramedic came. He didn't want to wait for the wagon and took me in the car. Oxygen and nebs on the go. I was kept on the oxygen for a while after the 3 nebs and left to rest. I was completely exhausted and it was thought that some kind of flu virus was what triggered me.  Although I was exhausted and lungs were still twitchy, I was discharged with no extra pred, I was wise enough to speak to the doctor, with the help of JP. I am glad I went with my gut instinct and got everything checked.

I went to see Dr Pike today in the company of JP. We talked about my last few admissions and he explained that my asthma is way out of control and it could have gone off over anything, heck thats what it seems to do best at the moment. But it is at the point where we all know it will take something specialised to get me back on the even keel again. I really don't know how I could make this positive, but I just feel like, I don't know, I have taken a leap forward and several steps back in all of this and I don't understand why when in October/November time I was doing just that little bit better. Why did things get as bad as they have again and what can I do about it. I feel so at the bottom of the ladder again and it just grew another 10 levels.

I will get there though. Even if it kills me.

Loves
Wendy xx

1 comment:

  1. Hi Wendy, sorry to hear you are struggling ba sucks big time. Hope your consultant sorts things out for you. I know what you mean by people asking 'how are you?' i hate it.
    Take care

    kathryn xxx

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for your comment. I will review it as soon as possible!

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