People who know me will agree when I say that I am not a gardener. I have never been green fingered and to be honest thats never bothered me. I was always something of an "Indoor Girl", either dedicating time to art or music. I'm working on some canvas paintings as well as some paintings on the actual walls of our flat. Its a fun and relaxing hobby, but unfortunately the neighbors didn't share my lack of enthusiasm towards gardening. So I met with the local council and environmental officer and asked them to help me clean up the garden so that it will be easier for Becky and I to maintain, but there has been one condition, which I feel is fair. I need to clear the rubbish (namely the build-up of foam from an old sofa, long story short) and then the help is there.
It is my aim now to have the garden cleared and usable so we can sit in there over the summer, maybe with a glass of wine or something nice. Last year I was so overwhelmed by the state of my garden and I think it was near impossible for me to tackle it by myself. My biggest regret really was having to dump the old sofa in there, but at the time there really was little more that I could do. Not helped that by the end of that month I shattered my arm and couldn't move it until recently.
I'm happy here and I want to make my home reflect that. Yes its not exactly glamorous, I mean a flat in an estate that looks remarkably like Highfields in Stafford is hardly the place of celebrities, but its a home. Its filled with happy moments, hilarious conversations and going to bed, not fearful of the next day, but laughing so much that you feel like you may burst at the seams! It is so much fun when you live with friends, rather than people you have been intimately involved with. I mean when we're here together we can end up making each other laugh. I missed it. I missed the sound, the feeling and that freedom to just be myself.
I think spending time by myself was good for me. Ever since I was 16, I have been in relationships. The longest time I spent by myself was about 6 weeks and in some ways, I think I needed some time to reconnect with who I am now, rather than shrinking back in to that scared and vulnerable 16 year old who was suddenly a lot older, had more responsibilities and more other things to look at and look forward to. I have grown up in myself and I have let myself let go of the past and say "Yeah OK so that was dumb, but tomorrow is another day" and that is what sets me apart from others. That inner strength and maturity to just move on with life rather than dwelling and wallowing in the past and self pity. You can either sit there and play the victim, or you get up, make your life what you want it to be and grow emotionally. That is what I reminded myself every day when I was feeling sorry for myself, I just decided to take control of my life and move forwards.
2 years ago