I know it probably sounds really cliche, but that recurring theme within Crisis Core is something that I really hold dear. The chance to actually realise and follow a dream that has been with me since I was younger makes the things I went through to get here actually seem a bit more worthwhile. I have several dreams and I hope to make them all a reality. I won't let anyone, or anything for that matter, take them away from me. I want to have at least done some of the things on my "bucket" list by the time I am 30. I have only a few things on my list but they're all things that mean something to me.
1. Do a piercing training course:
This dream has been there ever since I was a really young kid. I always found body modification to be a beautiful way of expressing the inner person and everything to do with them. To finally get the chance, both physically and financially, to do this has come at such a good time. I am emotionally ready for the opportunity too so its going to be a fun few days.
2. Live and Work in a foreign country:
I would love to work in another country, exploring a new culture and a new language. One thing I was looking at was doing a year placement in Japan (I have always wanted to visit Japan) and if I could get my asthma stable for at least 6 months (I never said it would be that simple) then I would definitely pursue that.
3. Get my media degree:
This one is important to me for a few reasons. I struggled so much with my HND because of my worsening health and the domestic situation. That had left me feeling a bit dejected and depressed as I had worked so so hard on this and I wanted it so badly. I wanted it so much that it just didn't come to pass. I must have cried for weeks afterwards, but I am going to try again with help from the OU.
These are 3 dreams.They are a little hard to do, but its as another character from the same game said "Unattainable dreams are the best kind." Admittedly I don't have impossible ambitions that there is no way I can get, but things that I know I can do and achieve, but only I can put the work in. Only I can make these things happen. And only I am responsible for the outcomes. I am fed up with people blaming others for their lives and I am actually at that point where I hold my hand up, say "yeah I know I screwed up with some things" and have the courage to make the best of what is left. It's too easy to give up. Its even easier to hide behind excuses.
Since living with another person, I have had to come out of my shell quite a lot. It means that I haven't been able to hide away from other people and I have enjoyed the fact that I have been encouraged to become a bright and outgoing young woman again, not just everyone's favourite little doormat. I'm becoming more gutsy and more ready to go and do just what I please. Even if that is playing on a game or taking the piss when playing Rockband. Thats me. Thats what I like to do. Taking things too seriously only made me gloomy, so having fun and laughing about things has definitely made an impact on Becky and myself.
She really made the last trip to hospital entertaining. Admittedly we ended up laughing with the doctor, about rubber gloves of all things! The doctor was lovely and she helped me get back on the way to being a bit more comfortable and less troubled by my asthma. My asthma can be a right pain but I refuse to let it define me. I also refuse to let it stop me.
3 years ago