That seems to sum me up really doesn't it? I mean it's been nearly 4 years since I left home and I still seem to live off instant noodles, sleep at least 15 hours a day and read more books in a week than a few people would read in a lifetime. I still play computer games and I still love cookie dough ice cream. You would think after everything I would have been moulded in to something (or someone) completely different. Instead, it seems that my personality has remained unchanged down to it's core, just hidden behind different medications and masked away.
Just lately, I have been taking a lot of time out to just be well, me. Whether that is just shutting myself in my room for some quiet time, playing with my pets or just chilling out with some sewing to pass some time before I do something else. I will admit, since signing off and getting my DLA sorted, it has been nice to not to worry about money or what the next thing I have to sell to make ends meet is. It has relieved some of the pressure off me and I feel a lot less stressed out by the pressures to find a job when I knew myself that a job would not be something I could cope with. Or the depressing (and sometimes distressing) New Deal option. When I did that last year, I was promised a qualification and maybe even a job. I ended the 13 week course deflated and having my ass kicked by my asthma. It was the autumn and getting colder too so my asthma was reaching it's worst time of the year.
Every winter since I was 18, my asthma has continued to deteriorate a little more each year. This has been largely down to the rise in colds, flu and some pretty vicious bacteria from 2 places. Although I do not go to places like that anymore, that damage has already been done and is irreversible. So it has left me with about 40% of my lungs not working as well as they should be. My last lung function test was about 58% which I was obviously not happy with, where as about 4 years ago it was about 85% and my asthma was a lot easier to control. Last year, it was about 67% so there has been a significant drop, but there has been good reversibility so that is at least something.
I hope that this year that I won't suffer the chest infections that seemed never ending, the almost weekly A and E trips and the rest of it that made me feel worse about my situation.
3 years ago