Change seems to be everywhere at the moment and to be quite honest with you all, it is for the better. I am removing sources on unhappiness from my life which I thought were a permanent state of being. I am slowly learning not to have to put up with something that makes me miserable just because one or 2 people say I should.
I forgot that I had long since gotten out of the habit of leaving myself unhappy because my parents thought that was how my life was to be, or because of a friend who whenever she gets in contact with me, she either makes me "rescue" her or makes me feel unhappy so that she can rescue me or make me feel worse about myself so she can feel slightly better. I am through with being screwed over by jerks. And I am frankly fed up of being taken for a mug by old friends who honestly didn't deserve to be in my life because they either controlled me or made me feel bad about just about everything that was what some would call "wrong" in my life. Not to mention parents who really just want to remind me of what they think is "my Place" in the equation. I am sorry, but I am not playing the game anymore because to be quite honest, I don't have to. Nor do I want to.
I think just lately the fact that I have become resolved and confident in my life has really become a lot more fun. OK so all we have been doing recently is sorting everything out so it is how I would want it, and Tom's recent discovery of Portal. The concept is just brilliant really and so simple, but the thing is just genius. Shoot a portal on either side and solve the puzzles. With rather cute sounding turrets and the "Weighted Companion Cube" it is just a good game for shits and giggles. And isn't that what gaming should be? Shits and giggles.
I have been gaming a lot more recently but that has mainly been because I have just felt more like I want to game rather than have to worry about some kind of quandary about whether it is right to or not. I'm more relaxed now and after rediscovering old games that make me laugh such as Sonic or Alien Hominid, I just feel lighter and more able to enjoy my life and everything I have in there. With Tom, I am a much brighter and more cheerful person and I laugh and smile a lot more than I used to. I am even sleeping more which means that my lackluster energy has become a thing of the past, thank fuck, and I seem to bounce around like a young person should, albeit walking like I have a slinky stuck up my arse at times when my back is giving me hell. It is painful but I am learning to adapt and find ways to at least make my bad days more fun without having a go at others.
I had a bit of a bad day on Sunday when it came to a combination of pain and my asthma doing what it does best, but instead of feeling miserable and taking it out on people, I just did everything I could to remain cheerful and try my best to at least see the positives, such as the fact I had had a fantastic night out and "Hangover day" was a good time to rest and recharge my batteries a bit. Tom helps with that immensely and we do have a lot of fun together which is something that I have never experienced in a relationship, those moments of reckless spontaneity that make life both interesting and incredibly fun.
I am home now and I am more relaxed and zen about pretty much everything so lets hope it stays that way.
3 years ago