Today I had an appointment with the local Back Pain Clinic at the Alex. This was with a specialist in the area of the back itself and in assessing my spine and what went wrong. It was confirmed today that there is a slight and rather hard to spot curvature in my lower back, however it was missed for so long because of how small it was, but it is there, but won't need any correction.
The big problem I have however is that I have been getting a large amount of pain constantly in my spine (and it was found to be the spine and nerves themselves rather than the muscles surrounding it) and they think that that has been caused by a slipped or damaged disc which will need some intense treatment and more than likely an operation to put this right if the physio or other treatments fail. This is going to be a long process but the end result will be that I will be able to walk again without using a crutch on those days when it was bad. I have been told to use my crutch more than I do already and I will be having an MRI scan done soon to determine the next course of action.
Today has been a lot easier than we thought it would be and I feel better for being brave enough to go and do it. And may I mention that for once in my life, I actually attended and got the best out of an appointment on my own rather than taking someone with me to hold my hand as it were. I felt good about myself for having the strength and courage to get things sorted. I know that is kind of a given, but some days, I feel braver than others, it has to be said.
So now I return home, albeit a little sore and uncomfortable from having someone poke and prod at the parts of my body that hurt the most, but I know this is all part of the process of healing and sorting out the problems, and trust me there is an awful lot of me that needs to be fixed from my screwed up back to my lungs which are slowly getting to the point where there is no more medical intervention for me at home and that does get to me, but I think I am going to make the best of what I have and whatever else can wait really. I have a happy relationship and a good home and group of loyal and caring friends who would do anything for me, if I only asked them to.
I guess what I am trying to say now is that we should all count our blessings and enjoy our lives because we only get one shot at this. So we have to make it count. Live, laugh and feel the sun on your face, cherish the time with those people you love and know in your hearts that you always made the right choices for you, even if at the time everyone was telling you to go another way. I am thankful for the people in my life and even though some days I am in unbearable pain and I get snappy, I don't ever mean to be horrible. So instead of yelling at me or making it worse, hug me. Tell me its OK to feel frustrated. Heck, slap me if I get irrational or vicious about it. I never mean it. I am just in pain and I know I am in pain.
2 years ago