For life's little ups and downs.

A rather quirky, funny and sometimes daunting look in to the life of someone who has a lot of health problems but does their best to keep positive. Punctuated by guinea pigs, anime, superheroes, transforming robots and cross stitching.

I started this blog to tell my story, about who I am and what I do. On top of the health problems and raising awareness for those, I also use my blog as a way to help promote other causes, particularly ones which affect the most vulnerable. I live with a number of different and complex health problems but I refuse to let anything get me down. I know how it feels to be discriminated against or thrown aside. This is me. This is my life. I live it and do what I want with it. Nature sets the limitations. We set the boundaries.

About Me:

A blog about life. I live with Type 1 Brittle Asthma, Bi-Polar Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as well as Various Allergies, Neutropenia, Crohns Disease (my IBS was rediagnosed as Crohns), Osteo and Rheumatoid Arthritis, PCOS and Osteoporosis and Heredetary Spastic Paraplegia. I have recently also been diagnosed with Sleep Apnea (which makes me stop breathing in my sleep) I live with these conditions, but I refuse to let them keep me down and out. I still try and make the most of my days despite being so poorly and having to rely on my wheelchair, nebulisers, nearly 50 pills a day and 2l/min of oxygen and CPAP.

I'll flap my broken wings and erase it all someday... You'll see.

Thursday, 2 June 2011

Telling The Truth

I guess after re-reading this post about me over and over, I finally decided that I should share it (along with some corrections):

"Okay over the last two years and five months I was with Wendy Bostock, as her partner now this is over and she has moved on. Congratulations my dear you win, in your odd little world where everything is either with you or against you, you win. (My old little world, huh, OK yeah, this is coming from someone who was convinced that the universe was out to get him or that he was this victim of everything. Yeah.. OK)

Now dear reader I'll give you a few truths as I saw and still see them, the relationship did not start well I will admit that without hesitation, yes it was fraught with issues mainly my addiction and her worsening illness. (Whose fault was that?) So yes it was shaky to begin with but we had some good times as well it was a nice change to be able to share Christmas with someone else and it was lovely to get out of Redditch even if it was to Stafford (a town with one of the most depressing train stations I have had the "pleasure" to visit). So no it was not all bad but as time progressed we started to disintegrate as a couple firstly there was my withdrawal from my Codeine dependency and thus the cause of my rather childish behavior over the early part of the breakdown. So again I'm sorry for that but things changed after the first Christmas, for the worse, mainly in the way I was treated Most of the reports of my anger and fury were reported under false pretexts. (I told them as they happened, you had a stupid habit of forgetting what he did to others and greatly exaggerating what little things I did to him)  Wendy is, like most people in my experience, a liar and a hypocrite. (OK, look whose talking, a compulsive liar and attention seeker) she wanted me to respect her but I got the distinct feeling, even though she said otherwise on multiple occasions she had very little respect for me as a person. mainly because I am unemployed of all things. (I had little respect for you towards the end as you used every chance you could get to attack me, even reducing me to tears while I was on a hospital trolley. It was never a question of me having respect, but I respected you in the way you didn't respect me.) She was allowed to do and eat whatever she wanted while I was on a strict regime of abstinence from all but the most basic of treats so yes I started to take things into my own hands to redress the balance into a more equal footing, since we were supposed to be a partnership. (You ASKED me to restrict you from eating sweets and gaming all day because you were trying to beat your demons.)

Now in most of our arguments she threw the fact that I was abusing her and that the flats were Her home even though both our names were on the tenancy agreement. (YOU DID ABUSE ME, and we always agreed that if we split you would let me have the flat as, unlike you I am not co-dependent on my family) And that I owed her a lot more money than I really did I agreed to paying these 'Debts' off just to make life easier for the both of us,(excuse me, you knew what you were paying off, I.E: The 2 laptops you destroyed through spite, the mobile you broke because mine was better, the other things of mine you damaged and ruined as well as the Orange dongles you bullied me in to getting and paying for) at this time I was the primary claimant I deliberately gave her 50% more than myself in order for her to pay off her and my debts as and when they arose  (Wendy was in charge of the budget at the time) and yet our debts worsened while she frittered away the money on her various treats and collections while again I just got by on what little I was allowed. (Awww, poor little victim. I only used what money I got from my Student Finance to buy my collections. I still have the bank statements and receipts so don't even give me that. You STOLE my ESA from me just because I was getting that little bit more because, sadly I am DISABLED, DEAL WITH IT.)

Yes I'll admit that this might come across as fairly bitchy and bitter but hey I'm just expressing how I feel here and frankly I'm a little pissed, I served this woman the best I could and yes I still love her to an extent and until today I did respect her but when ever I have tried to admit my feelings to her I have been shut down (I'm sorry, but I was with my boyfriend and if you had bothered to ask how I was, or noticed, you would have known I was feeling extremely unwell and am currently doing my best to avoid a hospital run) so now I frankly have had enough I am not her enemy but I am certainly not entirely her friend for now. Now to continue; once we won the bid for 50 Stanley close we both had high hopes for the place but foe yours truly nothing was to change from the move, even though deep down I knew it would never work in the long run and I had told her the previous year and had offered to be the one to stay at the YMCA so she could heal
and grow but no she refused to listen to my council and the council of her closest friends. That was until last week when it finally sunk in after I admitted to her that I had been overdosing on my medication just to survive being near her. (I was getting to that point myself and I was just waiting for the right time to do this properly, but you pushed me too far and put WAY too much pressure on me. How the hell was I supposed to look after your pill on top of the mountain of meds I have to take. I did explain this to you.)

Yes the break up was amicable but if it stays that way? We will have to see. (Only you can make that happen, I have been more than reasonable, even letting you stay at mine last week so you could get sorted, and how did he reward me? Well Nat's X-Box pad has been damaged, my X-box isn't working properly and I got home to a squalid hell hole, and was told that WE made the mess, I am sorry my dear but you are very much mistaken) I just hope Tom Oliver Murray and the piggies (Funnily enough, the piggies are doing better without you and your spiteful ways) survive better than I did because it started out with me in the same positive way but rapidly went down hill from there. All in all I try to admit how I feel and I am shut down with "please don't do this" (Again, sorry but I wasn't feeling well at all and didn't need the stress of you kicking off again at me, I had to endure 2 years of that and ended up with COPD as a result.) well guess what Wendy if you want me to be bitter and twisted carry on the way you are but please remember I cannot love what I cannot respect (I'm sorry but this whole thing was actually YOU and YOUR twisted perceptions of everything. You want everyone to believe you are the biggest victim going and you omit certain points in our relationship where your abuse was little more than attempted murder and you would try and make me sicker so you could get carers allowance, or an X-Box 360. Was Daddy behind you when you wrote all this? You never could think for yourself could you?)"

Now, I have had my say in all of this and I have picked apart and told nothing but the truth about everything. I think there was a lot of problems in this relationship and I am sorry that things didn't work out. As for Tom, he is happy with me, I am happy and my confidence is slowly coming back. I am feeling more human again and less depersonalised. 

I decided to let you all have a read of this and the bits in bold were my CORRECTIONS or further information so that people get the full story and not just the snippets he wants everyone to see. Or what his Dad wants him to see. Now I want to say that this is my last word on the subject and if he slanders me further, I will be applying to the courts and reporting him for harassment.

Wendy xx

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