This was supposed to go out yesterday but I kept forgetting!
I went off to my Psychology appointment this morning) after being woken up this morning by my lifeline bleeping at me because all of the things I got from Virgin Media were completely dead. I think there was some kind of fault their end because a lot of people who are on Virgin had the same problem and it was only when I saw an engineer working on the box near where I live that it all resolved itself. It still meant I had spent my morning trying to sort things out to no avail. So it was unsurprising that I was a little hacked off at first.
I went to my appointment at Smallwood house and had a chat to my Psychologist. He is great to talk to and we always have a laugh in our sessions. It was brilliant because it gave me a chance to talk about everything that went on over the last 3 weeks, re-evaluate my goals and work out where I was with everything. It helped me realise something. I have gone from a miserable life where I never EVER left the house and never felt like I could just get on with things. I was in a turbulent relationship with someone who was as typically abusive as most of the men in my life have been. I think I always looked for that in people because it was normal to me. So I ended up in relationships with men who would either smack me about or psychologically torment me to the point where I was convinced it was all my fault and would scrap because it was my only way of fighting back.
The worry though could be that with Tom, I may end up idealizing the relationship and make some serious mistakes. My best move is to live alone for at least 6 months to a year, that would then allow me the chance to learn how to be independent and learn to look after well, me. I don't mind being on my own anymore and quite enjoy the peace and quiet. I haven't been in an argument for over 2 weeks and as a result I am no where near as stressed and my problems sleeping are improving. I have proper sleep routines, I eat properly and it is good food too. I take time over my appearance now and I never go out before grooming and making sure I look at least human. I don't spend most days in what I slept in.
I am catching up with me again and am so happy to be who I was back before all of this unpleasantness and the turbulence. It was after my relationship with Mike ended that things were a bit wrong and I should never have gone in to a relationship until I worked what it was that was troubling me.
Today I have been having a shitty day with my chest. I was woken up by what sounded like me either grunting or growling in my sleep, so it could be possible that another infection brewing. Even small things are becoming an issue and a effort. But you know me, I beat infections before and chances are, I will beat it again.
2 years ago