Well, I went to see Dr Pike about all of this, expecting a new ointment for my rash and probably being told to get plenty of rest. Not a load more pills to make my body stop screwing me over! Turns out the problems I was having with my chest, my rash and other rather unusual symptoms as of late were all caused by a combination of Stress, Hayfever and a rather odd chest infection. My immune system seems very poor when it comes to infection, but apt for attacking my own body. It seems silly at times.
I have been started again on antibiotics again, for the umpteenth time this year, must be in the double figures by now! As well as some new antihistamines as I have been having a severe allergic reaction to something (more than likely the pollen in the air). The result was hives all over my hands, and then something I ate then resulted in me vomiting like mad. It was that or more of my allergic reaction. All because of my hayfever and high stress levels. I won't let the person who is making me feel this stressed bother me anymore. I can now go through my life embracing all the gifts and pleasures that I have in my life. A loving boyfriend who allows me to be myself and lets me have my independence, my money worries are way behind me now and I can look forward to a life of comfortable freedom.
No more struggling to make ends meet. No more worries that I may have to sell the things I own so that I can eat for another day. No more feeling incredibly guilty for having my painkillers because of someone else's dependance on them. Yes there were positives in that relationship and I do look back on the evenings where we would laugh for hours because of how silly a word sounded, but I have accepted that those golden moments are not enough to repair what went wrong. I have learned a lot of lessons over the last few weeks and the biggest one is to not be afraid of anyone or anything. Living in fear is not a life at all.
Even my GP saw a marked difference in my confidence and the fact that I was losing the steroid/ anti psychotic weight and the confidence in me was blossoming. He commended me for coping and keeping on with life. Glad that I was coping well with lung disease and a crooked back as well as I have been. I live alone and I think that right now that works well for me. I am learning to look after myself and its funny, now I am back on my own, I am back on track with all of my bills and monthly outgoings, even using a book to track my incomes and expenditures again, much like I used to back when I lived at Room 7.
I loved Room 7, it was like my own private sanctuary. I could lock the door and it was so quiet and relaxing. On days like today, I would happily lay on my bed and listen to the rain falling softly on the roof above my head. The world would melt calmly away and I would sleep for hours afterwards. I miss my place of peace, but as it lacked heating it would not have been completely viable for me to stay there, not with my lung problems. I guess here is now a place where I can feel safe and enjoy many pleasured moments with Tom and my lovely animals. Jenova will pop soon, shes getting very big now, before I was scared that the babies would be too much to cope with, but now I am really looking forward to them!!
3 years ago