I hadn't posted for a few days, mainly because i was trying to work out what was on my mind. Never an easy thing to work out at the best of times, but just lately, I have been lost in a confusion and muddle in trying to work out everything on the fly rather than meticulously planning everything which is more my style. It has been nearly a week since I last opened up what was going on in my head.
I have started Psychotherapy with the local NHS Mental Health Trust. Its been facinating because on the one hand, I can look at where I go wrong and what not to do in the future, but on the other hand, I have been able to finally confront what made me go in to those habits in the first place. Which means then I am going to become able to more to not carry those on. In particular the habit of self criticism and letting problems get on top of me. I am letting myself cope better and letting myself to keep on track. Instead of letting myself fall at the next hurdle.
In myself I feel as though I can get there and I can overcome what is really bothering me and work out where those emotions were born. I know right away that this process isn't going to be either easy nor fun, but I know it is needed in order for me to move on and embrace life for what it is, rather than sinking in to a mire of self pity and sympathy seeking. None of which are in my character to do. My character is generally strong and hard-working, unyielding and happy.
The next few weeks or months are going to be the key to where I go next and what I do next. I am learning slowly to accept my limitations, not as barriers but as something to work around.
3 years ago