Calming my Mind...

Tomorrow, I start my psychotherapy and I am absolutely bricking it. It is going to be sessions where I am going to be talking about some personal issues and dragging up parts of my life that I really would love to gloss over and pretend they weren't there, but they have to be dealt with. As much as I really, REALLY would rather ignore it and go with something else, I can't. Not if I want to sleep at night and get rid of the urges to harm myself. I want to get off anti-psychotic medications and I definitely want off my Sertraline as it is not doing me much good in the long run. I know I have about as much chance of that happening than seeing Sephiroth riding past my window on a luminous yellow chocobo. OK so that was a hilarious image!

I got through to Steve in the end that he couldn't act the way he has been just lately. He said he wants equality in the relationship so I explained to him that as I am sick and he isn't then chances are that won't happen so he needs to just plain and simple, DEAL with it. I am not going to let anyone get to me like that again, it was enough that I had let someone in like that before and I got as hurt as I did back then.

Today, my lungs have been the worst they have been in a while. Feeling tired and short of breath all day and having to use my neb more often than I would have liked. I decided at one point to check over my SATs as Dr Pike had asked me to keep a close eye on things especially when I was feeling bad. Measuring every so often when I feel well to find out what my average was, when I was having an attack and afterwards while returning to normal. I was on the low side and prepared myself to need to go in. I nebbed and had some extra pred (as Dr Pike recommended) and after a sleep, I felt pretty OK.

I spent most of today sleeping or nebbing, not really fancying eating much. I did manage to clean the kitchen this morning but I was pushing myself way too hard again and I was exhausted by the time I'd finished. I played on my DS for a while, I found a game that took me back to my childhood. I used to have a game on the SNES called "Baby Mario" where you played as Yoshi and you carried baby versions of the characters on your back. You could inhale enemies and then lay an egg on demand. I forgot this, then when I saw it, I couldn't stop myself laughing so much!! Yoshi's Island DS is definitely a game I want to keep for a while!

Loves
Wendy xx