How it feels to be alive...

I realised the strangest thing on Thursday night, and it only took me till now to work out how I really felt about it. It was the first time in a while (last time was when I broke my hand, not a wise thing to do but I was angry and it was punch the door or someone else), that the band played at Top Banana. Usually we practice at Rich's place, of course with his parent's kind permission and Rich's own wonderful hospitality, and it is such a good laugh and we have fun, but it felt amazing to play at a proper studio and on a live kit.

It gave the songs this amazing new lease of life and when we flew in to my particular favourite, "The Call To Arms" I was completely pumped and bounced around and danced, until I became light headed and nearly passed out. I went home from practice sore, but so so SO happy that I just couldn't stop grinning, even though my lungs were screaming.

I have always enjoyed playing in bands. Way back I used to sing in a band that myself and my then boyfriend Mike had started called Sleepy Down. The room we were in last night was the one that we usually used for those practices. I remembered so well the days, nights and the rest of it that we dedicated to writing our songs and getting ready for the 3 gigs we did. I could almost see myself at 17, 18 or even 19 years old, sitting with my notebook writing lyrics or bounding over to the mic to concoct some kind of melody. I missed that plucky young girl and it was nice to get back in touch with her again. I almost felt as though I was 18 years old again and bouncing around madly, just using a blue inhaler and not worrying about the scarring in my lungs as it hadn't been created yet.

I guess this whole playing in a band experience, and singing in another band with JP, have both helped bring me back to who I was and who I should be, and I like that as it is such a positive feeling and I can't help but smile and laugh because everything feels 10 times easier and even though my body is physically crap at the moment, I know I will get there and overcome things. I took advantage of what I used to have and who I used to be and that left me with nothing when all that went away. I won't ever do that again and I will appreciate every day that little bit more and be thankful for every day I can go without using my nebuliser or calling for an ambulance.

My brother Richard and his partner Gemma have had a baby this week and this made me smile like a Cheshire cat! Baby Lincoln was born on the 9th December 2010 and I am happy to say that both mother and baby are doing well!

Loves
Wendy x