I am really looking forward to tonight, Omen Shadow are playing and it is going to be so much FUN! Am I nervous? Maybe a little, but I know it will pay off and will be a good night. As for today, I am pampering, and indulging myself so that when I go on stage, laced in and looking amazing, the lights start and the crowd get jumping, I can really adopt my own stage persona. Stage Wendy is fearless, energetic and most of all passionate.
So far my pink hair has gone down a treat and people have been really receptive to it. I think sometimes by changing something that at first seems small or trivial, you can really wash over with a new lease of life and I think thats what I was going for. I was getting sick of the frumpy and depressed look and wanted to show people what I look like, and I think I finally achieved it, I found ME again.
These last couple of days, I have been feeling a bit crap due to this and that, mainly I was getting frustrated that things were a bit pants really when it came to my chest. I am so desperate to go back to working and living what was a normal life for me and I think because of that, I forgot what was really important, accepting what is real now, and leaving my fantasy world where every illness has a cure and everything works out perfect for everyone. I was being idealistic and taking hope just that little bit too far and then getting depressed and miserable when things didn't work out that way, even though, I should have known really that it wouldn't. There is a difference in accepting your lot and being a defeatist, and I know that now.
So this morning, I woke up, took my peak flow and had a neb. I didn't feel like I had failed or like I was weak and pitiful. I saw myself as a strong and confident young lady who, yes goes through a lot, but goes forward and does what she needs to.
I also want to wish a friend of mine a rapid recovery and hope she gets free of the hospital in time for Christmas.
2 years ago