I'm really sweltering at the moment, then again we are set for a heck of a heatwave for the next few days, I never lied the heat much admittedly but I have been using it as an excuse to break out the rather delicious (if not incredibly fattening) treat of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Maybe its the fact that I have found something that helps me tolerate food again but I have felt less bloated and uncomfortable (I mean I was so bloated that I looked like I was carrying more weight than I actually was). I'm still digesting my food very rapidly and it still results in some rather unpleasant moments but at least we are on the way to getting that sorted.
I love my GP. He has done everything over the last 4-5 years to ensure that everything has been seen to BEFORE it becomes such a big problem that it is damned near impossible to sort out. Rather than throwing this medicine and that at me, we go through a methodical approach and find out exactly WHAT to take. My doctor manages my asthma, and when I go to him after an admission, I don't feel like I have to justify myself and explain why it happened. Instead, we go through what happened and we figure out what to avoid or what to do next. Obviously there is nothing more that can be added to my asthma medicines (I'm on about 20 different things as it is, I don't think I need anymore, I'm already a mobile pharmacy) and we don't have an awful lot of "wriggle room" and I know when enough is enough or little ways and tricks to put off the inevitable (because in the blistering summer heat, who actually WANTS to be stuck in hospital), sometimes it works, sometimes it does go awry. I get quite annoyed I think when I see people badmouthing doctors because they couldn't get what they wanted from them, or their "Self Diagnosis" has been so far out of reality that they just don't want to admit that they just feel a bit silly for getting worked up or convinced that they're about to expire. Maybe people don't like to be told that their health is fine (personally I welcome it when I get a clean bill of health, it means that I'm doing what I should be) which I really find bizarre. I think I just find people bizarre.
I hope this weekend will be a nice weekend. I'm planning to be able to do a few things and finish some drawings that I was working on and maybe even brush up some more on my Japanese. It's not the easiest language at first but I have really been enjoying learning it. So far I have learned how to introduce myself, start polite conversation and tell them if I end up having any problems. OK it seems a strange thing to learn first but say I fell ill when I'm on my Japan trip, that way I can tell people whats happened and ask for help. When I go, am thinking of staying in a hostel, where there are people who interact with you and it would help for me to get in touch with local culture. Once the trip is planned enough and I have finally paid a few things off to get around to booking it, I am going to really look deeper and deeper in to the things I want to do and see. This isn't just some childish dream, this is very much a reality that I will achieve or die trying. It's a beautiful world out there and I want to make the most of it.
I'm really getting on with my drawings and have been working on some more complex projects. I love to draw in the style I use and use a variety of pencil types (mechanical pencils have a certain feel to them and its good for my technique. I'm hoping to get my scanner out over the weekend and do some scans and clean up some of my works before printing them and doing the colour illustrations. It'll be good to upload some new stuff to DeviantArt and exhibit for my watchers to see (its strange I have a fair few fans, in a way its actually pretty humbling) and enjoy. I specialise in fan art and its actually something I am good at. Maybe it's the fact that I have enough time to do my drawings to the standard I do, or maybe it's because I decided that for all the people who put me down, there were about 20 there ready to pick me back up again and the people who try to make me feel bad about myself aren't worth the energy or time. Heck, I think some people should just stop breathing and leave the air they waste to more deserving beings.
In all, despite the heat, I have been pretty productive. I have been working on some pretty cool stuff and have been just letting myself do what I want to. It works out well for me and I make the best of each day and I just accept my problems as a part of the package of me. I do the things I do, not because of habit or anything else, but because I WANT to and to be honest, when I do things I enjoy, I feel a sense of freedom and happiness. Something that for a while, I believed was a foreign concept. I never believed that I could be happy in this situation and as a result, I stopped looking for the things that made me smile. I'm glad to have found them again and found the people in my life who make it all worthwhile.
I'm going to keep at it because there are a lot of people who I want to prove wrong and even more people who believe in me and I want to show them that they have backed a winner!
4 years ago