It's been a good day today. I was woken up at a reasonable time and we had a good wander around as we always do at the weekend. I have a new mechanical pencil (I use 4 varying pencils for my work, these are Becky's influence and it's a bloody good influence) and I've been breaking it in to a lifetime of creating my unique illustrations. My pencils are like extensions of my hand and when I create with them I feel like close friends and colleagues.
The pencils I use are:
0.3mm - H - Very fine detailing and some faint outlining. Perfect for putting the expressions on faces and the fine details.
0.5mm - HB- Some detailing and some outlines. Great for defining lines and some shading.
0.7mm - B - Some faint block shading and blending to define drawings. Great for initial sketching.
1.4mm - B - Block shading and some initial work. Can be a bit awkward to rub out as the lead is so soft.
My drawing is one of the things that over the last few years that has kept me sane and happy. I find myself unable to feel sad or angry when I hold a pencil and am slowly working it over the page. I think I just lose myself in what I do and its so cathartic I think it's the repetitive motions and calm of shading. Then after I finish, I look over what I did and feel a huge surge of pride and confidence. Something I have had problems with for most of my life. I know it's not wise to put all your pride and identity in to one or two things, after all even the most natural of talents aren't finite, you can lose them and its so important to keep trying to use your abilities, even if it is just a quick sketch or a doodle. This started out as a test for the new 0.3 and 4 hours later I finished with this, drawn with my one of my favourite models at my side (Kingdom Hearts Play Arts).
I always draw well when I have a muse with me. I think out of all of my Sephiroth models this one stands out the most, maybe it's the beautiful blue wing, something different compared to all of the others, when I have him standing near to me, I feel like I have my own personal "One Winged Angel" keeping watch, once when I was really ill and had to go in to hospital, Becky had stashed him in my bag as a reminder of home and a comforting guardian. I even have a chibi (for those who don't know, a simplified cute version) version that lives on my phone.
When I was younger, I used to play flute. I quit just before my Grade 3, which is something I have always wondered what my life would have been had I not. Maybe I would have been playing now, but would I have dedicated my time to the visual arts and moving image? Probably not and that would be a huge shame. I would have never met the wonderful friends I have now. Heck, in a way I am kind of thankful for my illness, not for any other reason than the things I have learned from it. I learned I can be strong and stoic as well as resolute. I learned not to take things for granted and to appreciate the promise of a new day. Maybe it's not perfect but my silly life makes sense to me and I don't think I could imagine life being much different. I'm not the kind of person to play the victim, if something isn't right in my life, I choose to make a change and sort my own life out rather than blaming other people for my misfortunes.
Enjoy life and the things you do. Even if it is just simple things like watching TV or cuddling with a small animal. Between the guinea pigs, rabbit and hamster there is plenty of love to go around. We're a family here and it works. We never go without and we live happily and comfortably in our self contained home. I think we're going to stay here and carry on making progress with life. I'm working on making my life as fun and happy as it can be, even with a long term illness which sometimes wants to make me feel miserable but who said I have to let it?
4 years ago