I think the only drawback to my exquisite model collection is the fact that twice a month I have to spend hours dusting each piece. But you know what, it's worth every second because unkept, they can look horrible. Now I will be one of the first to admit that some pieces of my rather extensive collection have cost upwards of £100 and some of them are worth more than what I paid for them, but you know something, they are really worth every penny whenever I go in to my living room and am greeted by the sight. My collecting has been one of the few things to keep me sane over the last few years and I enjoy every single piece I have.
It used to really annoy me whenever I used to go to an ex's dad's place. Said ex's dad had some truly magnificent and probably valuable models. OK so they were Star Trek and not to my personal tastes, but the model trains he had were lovely to look at. It's a huge shame that they were always thick with dust and years of neglect. Especially as some were hand painted and would have been beautiful things to have looked at. I often felt quite saddened by this, and I know my ex at the time felt the same way. So I taught him how to care for his own models and I really hope he keeps that up as he himself had some lovely pieces, even if they weren't my particular niche.
Since coming to live by myself, I have had the confidence to really work on my collections and how artfully said collections are arranged around the room. The shelves are all over my living room along with scattered artwork (my love of art has blossomed the most recently) and crib sheets for carers and visitors alike on how to handle it if I was to suddenly fall victim to my chronic breathing problems. A comfortable sofa (even though I still inexplicably sit on the floor) and the TV. The room is set out in a way that gives the feeling of light and space. Light and space are very important to me and always have been. I hate cluttered places and crowds. Clutter feels like I'm being cornered.
Although I am notoriously chaotic, I do have to have a certain level of clean. My flat is often untidy but never dirty. Nor does it smell unpleasant. Since having the services of "Helping Hands" coming in to my life, I have been a lot happier and able to cope. Theres 2 calls every week and I have a regular carer who I really get on with and is amazed with my drawing skills. It's nice to have someone who comes in and helps me, and knows when I need to get some rest (even if I am characteristicly stubborn about things) and I can trust to help with my housework.
I have started sleeping properly again which is a giant relief for me and those close to me. When I don't sleep properly I can become manic and after a few days either tearful, snappy or just plain unbalanced. (Randomly tweeting a word thats popped in to my head, or getting myself so drunk that I am unable to control myself). Since improving my meds a bit more I have had that chance to calm myself back down and even resume some kind of normality (which for me is anything but normal to another).
My life is so different these days and its different in such a positive way. I smile more. I have a connection with someone that is indescribable but its wonderful because he knows me in a way that no one else ever could. I have an adoptive little sister who I adore and dote on, Becky rocks. End of story! And I am becoming closer to someone who I have only known for 3 months, but when we message each other, I do end up smiling happily. Jace is a lovely person and I cannot wait to see him.
I'm glad to be meeting new people and I am glad to be still here. Life really should be cherished rather than hidden under the phrase "I would but I can't". I have recently stopped thinking about what I can't do, but more focusing on what I can do. What makes me happy, and now embracing life anew.
3 years ago