Last night was the first time in a while that I had visited the local A&E department. I was actually glad about having made it as long as I had between trips and I really felt proud of myself for coping with things as well as I have. Things seemed so different yet so similar. I couldn't work it out at the time, and even now it still somewhat boggles me. I saw the stony faced sister who had once told me that getting home "wasn't [her] problem" and that it was somehow my own doing that had led me to become stranded that night.
One of the most important things I had to learn from past experience was the importance of being prepared for not "if" it happens but "when". I admit now that I am not going in once, twice or even 3 times in a week. I'm glad about that and it is a definite improvement on how things were little more than 12 months ago. I don't even feel like that person any more. Instead I have bloomed and come out of my shell. My home looks more personal to me and I'm even handling things that used to trouble me before.
Since getting carers in to help, I have really been able to blossom again and prove to myself that I was more than the useless lump I had put myself down as. I enjoy pottering around the house during the day, enjoying the simple pleasures of my life, from the happy chattering of 5 beautiful guinea pigs, the clumsy escapades of a domesticated rat or just sitting down and watching something on the TV. It leads me to a relaxed and calm way of life and the ability to be laid back and happy in myself. A concept that I often wondered if I would ever rediscover. Turns out all I really needed to get through was the right help and support. This couldn't come from any partner. It had to come from a professional agency and group of people who are dedicated to helping people like me who have long term problems and need some help in coping.
I'm now coping a hell of a lot better.
4 years ago