Some Thoughts...

After everything that has gone on recently and by watching a lot of people today I have really noticed that there has been a decline in social etiquette, particularly with a lot of people my age and younger. I was watching a programme with Tom a few days ago called "Young, Dumb and Living Off Mum" where they send a group of spoiled teenagers and young people to a house where they have to fend for themselves, keep their own home and make sure that they can live properly.

It was surreal to watch these young people who are only a bit younger than myself and Tom, but they were acting like overgrown toddlers. These were people who had barely learned how to cook a nutritious meal for themselves and probably intended to join the vast number of people living on Job Seekers Allowance, not because they need to, but because they WANT to and they think that "I don't want to" means "I don't have to". I actually looked in to how much you get on Job Seekers (I myself have lived on it before and am not ashamed to admit it) and why it is so little.

For a single person between 18-24 years of age are (according to Directgov) a measly £53.45 per week, whereas my partner Tom who claims Carers Allowance, because he spends 37 hours a week caring for me, recieves £53.90 a week and was told that he would not have enough money to live on so was told to claim income support which leaves him with what he would have usually got in his Job Seekers.

This lead me to ask why the rates for Disabled People and their carers are so much higher than those who are looking for a job. I will admit it didn't seem all that fair to me. The idea behind this is that those who are only unemployed because they don't have a job (or in some cases the drive to look for work) are given just the basic of basic living costs and as few luxuries as possible so that they are given an incentive to look for and maintain employment. I know in the recession this has been easier said than done, this is why I struggled to find work when I was fit to work. I never wanted to be unemployed by choice, OK now it is a very different ballgame and right now it just isn't possible for me to find and keep a job due to my severe health problems. It is hard to admit this for a 23 year old, but I know I am by no means the worst off nor am I the first or only person to have a health condition.

As the Summer dies down, and the Autumn is starting to come in (it is dark out now and it is only 20:49) I am reminded that soon my hardest seasons is about to dawn upon me. Over the Winter, I am probably likely to have more problems with my chest, coughs, colds, flu and of course my oldest "friends" pneumonia and bronchitis. Winter is always of particular risk to me and I have spent my last 2 birthdays being so unwell I was unable to enjoy myself in a way that a 22 and 23 year old lady should on her birthday. I am hoping this year will be better and I will enjoy my birthday this year, this time without having the sadness of wondering if this was my last time, or would my last attack be the one that took me. It wasn't a happy thought and I often would get upset as I was becoming very weak and I would cry all day about the fact that I was getting to levels of weakness that I had never encountered before.

I wasn't even allowed to recover because of personal and accommodation problems so I was feeling even worse and my depression deepened and now looking back, I realise that I just needed to get to a place where a good night sleep was a given and not a luxury given at the mercy of the person who lived next door. I am happy that I now have a partner who does care for me, with no strings attached and I am happy that Tom gets Carers Allowance for me, as he really deserves it. This is a guy who comes to me, no matter what and makes sure that I am safe, comfortable and very much loved. I can go in to hospital now without being shouted at (the hospital is no where near as scary now, even the nurses have noticed that I am a hell of a lot calmer) when I come home.

I am not afraid of my illness and the things that that had meant to me. I can now go on and learn to find my own destiny and I really do intend on getting there.

Loves
Wendy xx