It looks like finally things are moving forward in a way that that I can be comfortable with. Sarah from Social Services has come around and we have finally started making a Support Plan so that I will be able to achieve my long term ambitions as well as no longer relying on the wonderful service I had from my Floating Support Worker. It doesn't mean I am off the Social Services books by any stretch of the word, but it does mean that I am now a long term client who has home help and soon a carer to come for 4 hours a week to help me with everything I need instead of struggling to cope or having to press myself forward regardless of whats been going on. I can't actually put in to words how this makes me feel. I feel so relieved because finally the struggle to just exist independently is no longer there.
Over the last 8 months or so, when I started using the service from the PDSS (Physical Disability Support Service) I was in a bad place. I was going to hospital 2-3 times a week and I never EVER dared to venture out of the house for fear of my asthma kicking off and it ending up with a trip to the horrible stabby place. And I would never have dreamed of actually enjoying myself or having the strength to fight for what I believed in, so I became pretty depressed. After my therapy and finally getting the balance right with my psych meds as well as getting to what my GP called a "sustainable balance" of the right asthma medications. An email to my consultant recently asking about the reduction was met with a "I don't feel that that would be the right way to go" type of answer. I guess I had built my hopes up slightly to reduce my 20+ item prescription down, but alas that isn't that case.
I guess thats the main thing I have been trying to obtain so desperately is a sort of balance in my life that means I can and will be able to keep on going and keep on surviving. I am relieved in a way because everything that I was worried about when it came to food and energy bills are about 1/4 of what they used to be. Which is good because I finally feel able to cope with all my bills and get sorted so that I can live a productive and worry free life, which then leads to my illnesses being a lot easier to control.
Tom's care is diligent and honest. He doesn't care for me because he feels as though he had to, but more because he wanted to. No rewards needed or questions asked. I am blessed because I have him. I know he can't always rush to my hospital bedside and that's OK. I have proven to myself that I can do it alone and as a result was a LOT calmer and a lot more relaxed than previous occasions. Although I was very thankful that Tom did come because had he not, then I would have been kept in for a few days which was to be the original plan. NOT what I want right now with so much positivity and all these good vibes going around. I should have gone in a lot sooner and probably given in to more than I did in the end, but I think I was worried about how I would cope or what what would happen. I feel more at ease now.
However there is a sadness in today's blog. Yoda passed away last night, after a long life with lots of love and affection. He died of old age in his sleep and wasn't suffering which is the main thing. I will miss that insane little guy with his half a tooth and massive ears, and all that fluff! He was one fluffy little hamster and he was lovely. He will be missed, but I have made the decision that I don't want any more hamsters. They don't live too long and its heartbreaking when they die. I will pay a proper tribute soon to Yoda of course as he was a large part of the family.
2 years ago