In my life I have had to learn the hard way about taking the good with the bad. Behind every fall is something new and exciting to enjoy. Be that the challenge that finding ones way brings or even just something totally unexpected but nevertheless wonderful in itself. Its these little triumphs and victories that really do enable me to smile and keep building myself up for a future that I have fought for ever since becoming unwell, but then again, I I have little to no sympathy for those who blame others for their own misgivings, bitching about what I was "denied" or whatever, I mean seriously thats how you become old and so depressed that you can barely see straight and its not something I ever wish to entertain. Not in the slightest.
I am sure that by now you are all wondering what this improvement is. Well for a large proportion of my life I have been essentially blind in my right eye. This has been caused by a hereditary condition where the muscles of my eyes didn't work correctly and as a result one eye became weaker and weaker, until it suddenly stopped working completely. I had had surgery to correct this, but unfortunately it was not to be and my sight continued to worsen as I got older, eventually meaning that I had no vision on my right side. Well today I noticed very marked improvement to my sight. I could see a lot better and didn't find myself walking in to walls or things on my right hand side. This has been an extraordinary discovery and one that has made me very happy. It's not perfect by any means but at least its a start.
I guess another improvement that is marked and very noticable in me is my sudden upsurge of confidence and self esteem. This time last year I would have refused to go out in public without a hoodie or a baggy shirt to hide my figure. As a result of various medications, my weight skyrocketed to a rather hefty 14 stone. Which on my slender 5 feet and 6 inch frame looking incredibly unsightly. I've shed about 4 stone in the last 18 months through better diet, actually getting out of the flat at least once a day (tackling my agoraphobia) and working on building a life of good memories and fun experiences. Becky and I have planned to visit a fair few museums in the next few months and there is of course my new relationship with Jace that is blossoming, much like the flowers in the field.
My art and writing are well back on track. Each day I seem to write a few more ideas or do little sketches of characters or scenes. Often to the music that I am listening to at the time which provides me with a load of ideas. I play guitar again and sometimes have been known to sing along to what I play. My appearance is very well cared for these days and I enjoy the upkeep of my long blue hair. (Blue is an awkward colour to dye your hair, but with the right things, its very possible, but I have to be wary of the bleach from now on as I had a mild allergy to it!)
I guess for now, I just needed to enjoy being me. Rather than constantly going on about how others did this and others did that. Its petty, its pointless and to be honest it only makes those who do it look desperate to get one up on other people. Pathetic!
In wallowing in the past, we deny ourselves a future.
I guess as a small footnote, I found this picture on a friend's Facebook... everyone has a friend who is like this... worryingly to some people I AM that friend!! I am quite funny on a sugar high and I probably would do that!
2 years ago