OK so I started out with a kind of sniffle. You know me, another sniffly nose is not something that usually concerns me too much. Well its what happens as a result that usually bothers me. My useless "immune system" and the fact that my lungs are somewhat delicate anyway, I always end up with it going to my chest and the result is always a barking cough, a high fever and lots of green gunk just flying out of me. Its never pleasant and it nearly always winds up with me on some antibiotics that usually mess the rest of my body up.
Sometimes I find it so frustrating when it happens and it can sometimes be rather difficult to say "Yeah, I know this sucks, but hey let's keep moving" but you know something, you can't embrace the light side of life unless you have seen the dark corners of the world... places where others tend to be more reluctant to tread. I see life as a journey, as cliche that sounds. Every step of that journey, every milestone I reach, every new thing I accomplish is something that means so much to me. I'm clearing the debts. I'm wiping my own slate clean and allowing myself that chance to learn from my mistakes and become happier and stronger as an individual.
I still keep going despite having my lungs try and liquify themselves from the inside. I still enjoy things and find new things to do that are fun, funny and just plain mad. Even if it was just playing Rockband with Becky (she was on guitar and I had a go on the drums, which was funny), I still doubt I would ever be at the level of Mike Portnoy, but sometimes it isn't always about being the best. Sometimes it's just about being myself.
It's been brilliant to get back to being myself. It took so much and having Becky and Jace around has motivated me. They listened when I was crying because I was scared. They smile whenever they hear me speak and they care for me despite all the things I don't like about myself. Its humbling in its own way and it gives me something to smile about. I wouldn't change my life for the world, even with the health problems and other less than palatable things going on around me. I have managed to thrive and grow stronger and thats an achievement in itself!
4 years ago