I hate to write a post dedicated mainly to my health, but I have had a lot of people asking me how I feel and I guess here is a place where I can say how I feel without it being washed over, being TOLD how I feel or ignored completely. I don't want to be one of those people who blog about their lives and complain about every little thing. It doesn't actually CHANGE anything as that is only something one can do for themselves. I truly believe that the here and now is a gift, that is why we call it the present.
I have had a rather humbling experience recently. One of my friends has just got back from doing some work at Ekisa, a place in Uganda that helps rebuild the lives of the children and families that approach them. They find beauty in the broken and the whole mission of this organisation is to just help those who are physically or mentally disabled, unloved or abused. The work my friend did and the difference she made was amazing and it must have been so rewarding for her. She brought me a small present, well there was one for both Becky and myself. Beautiful bead necklaces which were handmade by the Mommas from Ekisa. They really are beautiful and the origins of them, though simple and humble, makes them even more special.
For some reason my lungs seem a bit more grumpy. Maybe its the recent changes in my life, the time of the year or even the fact that I've had a cold that refuses to bugger off! Its frustrating to be battling what could be yet ANOTHER infection but I think at the end of the day, thats to be expected. Having a pet rat was probably one of the worst things I could have had, as much as I loved her. I think for now I will stick to my guinea pigs! They may be little monsters but I love them. They keep my mental state a bit more optimistic and give me something to make me feel needed.
Having Becky live with me has been one of the best things I could have had. She gives me company and someone else to interact with. She brings out the best in me and even makes sure I don't fester in my flat all day. She knows I'm nervous about being in shops or crowded place and she has managed to help me break the habit of constantly asking for permission to do things. My confidence is growing but I do still have my reservations about going out solo... but I am sure that given time then I will conquer that too.
I visited Hope's gravesite recently. It felt good to be there. Close to where he rests and I told him everything from the last few months. It was weird but while I was there, I could hear the familiar "he he he he" he used to do whenever he lay next to me, I woke to him either making that sound at me, or snuggling against me. I knew he was blind and probably deaf, but honestly, I didn't mind, he was special and he really made me feel like his mum. I haven't forgotten any of them. I miss Patch every single day and when he died in my arms, I felt like my heart broke a little.
But I am thankful that I had the pleasure of having these creatures, being able to show them kindness, love and affection. I really am living proof that no matter how many times anyone can break a person, they still remain strong, powerful people.
"I may be broken, I may not be perfect, but you know what, I am still here" - Me
4 years ago