I've been thinking a lot recently, life isn't going to be the way it is forever and sooner or later, a few things are going to change. I don't usually welcome that on the whole, but with so many things changing for good reason right now, a few more changes won't hurt. The most wonderful thing to change is my general attitude and outlook towards life and my urge to just do what ever I like rather than listening to other people telling me what I can/cannot, should or what they are going to do. Don't get me wrong, I love my life as it is right now, but I wouldn't say no to any way that we could make any positive improvements, such as a way of preventing the stream of LRTIs (Lower Respiratory Tract Infections) that have plagued me for nearly a year now. Right now I am battling a pneumonia infection which has kicked the stuffing out of me.
For anyone who is lucky to have never had an LRTI, it is hard to explain how much of a strain it can put on your body, particularly for someone who has brittle asthma. They make my chest feel heavy and the effort of breathing with them puts a lot of extra work on to the muscles in my upper chest, neck and stomach, as a result the smallest things can be exhausting and short distances, like to the toilet and back, can feel like you're walking a mile. Its not a fun thing to end up with and it really can knock me for six and the symptoms always seem to go away for a little while before coming back with a vengeance and the onset is really quick.
Usually it starts with a bit of a cough and my asthma being a bit off. Then as time goes on, it hits with a barrage of a high fever, chills, cold sweats, asthma being way out of our control and bringing up stuff that I am sure would glow in the dark. It does sometimes make me feel like I want to throw in the towel and give in, but then I remember the inspirational stories of others who have been through worse and are still fighting. If they can do it, then what is stopping me? Rather than self pity, I choose to get up, dust myself off and keep walking, even when its not easy. I'd hate to prove any doubters right and I just keep my head above water.
When I'm not well and have to stay in bed, the trickiest thing is finding a way of keeping me occupied. Because I am the way I am, I need to keep my mind active or I can start to feel depressed and discouraged very quickly. Sometimes that means that I feel as though I'll never win against this but I have to keep going and pushing through the whole thing. I've been keeping myself busy with old Transformers cartoons, games on my iPod and tablet PC (which I have had for over a year now! And it's still as fast and useful as it was from day 1) and laptop. I enjoy playing with gadgets and they really are a welcome distraction on less good days.
Next month is going to be a bit tough. I've got a lot of appointments coming up for a number of health issues including my chest and stomach problems. It's probably going to point to autumn and winter being seasons of medical tests and maybe surgery to correct what can be corrected, if it can get fixed. I'd be happy to at least not be in pain for a while and not have my asthma so complicated. I'm praying beyond prayer that this will be so because when Jace and I begin our next stage together, I want to be as well as possible and able to enjoy our lives together to the fullest. Have faith and things are going to get better!