So, the infection has finally left my lungs alone (after 6 months of it being absolutely awful and causing my asthma to be unpredictable and liable to go off), but another one decided to hit my sinuses for a bit. Its really not that nice to feel like someone has packed my nose with concrete and coupled with the symptoms of the possible crack in my jaw bone (thanks to an over zealous Dentist), its left me feeling a little like a bear with a sore head. I hope that soon the fug will clear away and leave me feeling better after 10 days of antibiotics and plenty of bed-rest (admittedly, when all you have done for the last 3 days is sleep, watch stuff and sleep some more, that can wear thin) and try and eat, despite the fact that last time I ate something solid, I was nearly crying because it hurt so much.
It's a little frustrating to be honest but there isn't an awful lot we can actually do right now. We hope that in a couple of weeks the swelling should go down and the socket will heal as well as the other is. I feel quite ridiculous right now because one side of my face looks like I have gained 3 stone whereas the other side is perfectly normal. I'm taking my painkillers regularly and getting plenty of rest so forgive me if I forget a few things right now, but I am doing all I can to keep my head up and keep doing normal things, even though I feel like some kind of zombie right now.
I've been playing on Pokemon a lot recently and have finally managed to catch myself a Pichu (which will evolve in to my favourite Pokemon ever, Pikachu). It was a fun little thing to do and when I did it, I was glad. I know its silly but sometimes you need to set yourself a kind of goal (even if its something stupid like get ----- on a game or something) just to keep you doing something. Boredom can often be more dangerous than anything else and I think when I get bored, I am more likely to become more miserable and sink in to a depressive mood and thats not something I want to entertain because it marks a rather dark time in my life and the scars on my arms kind of make me remember all too well. Its been a long time since I stopped doing it, with help from my adoring friends and "family" and I really am glad to stay off it. It hasn't been exactly easy, heck there have been times when I have been so tempted, but I am proud to have stopped it. It's never easy to admit to those you care about that you had been thinking that your death would solve all their problems and I stand here as proof that no matter how bad things can get, you can come out the other side of it.
I think that sometimes it can get on top of me, I mean it can be hard and frustrating to sit around for weeks and months with XYZ going wrong and I think that if I hadn't let myself feel bad, I would have never allowed myself to see the best in life as well. Life is about light and dark and I think it would be childish to think that life isn't made up of both things. The most important thing to do is learn to roll with the punches and make the best of things. I'm ever the optimist and that is part of the indomitable spirit that I think people have come to admire about me. Maybe that's why Kadaj and I are so close, like me, he has seen the best and worst of human nature, in his case a cruel so-and-so wanted to try and feed him to a snake when he was really young, and if he could learn to trust a human again, it gives me a lot of hope for the future. He is my success story and after countless hours of one on one work with him, a lot of patience and affection and a promise that I would never give up on him no matter what.
I guess here would be a good place to leave it and I hope everyone is keeping well and staying in the warm and dry!
4 years ago