It's been really nice recently. I've been waking up at a reasonable time after a good long rest overnight which always leaves me in a cheery mood the next day AND my boyfriend was here as well. I miss him greatly when he isn't here and I guess I feel like part of me is missing and when he comes back, I am really happy and feel complete again. I can't wait until we can all be together forever. Also I was a little worried as one of my dear friends was going in for knee surgery this week, I felt like someone had taken a load off of my mind when I was told that she was alright. I really hope that Penny has a speedy and straight forward recovery.
We may not do much when we're all together but I love being in the company of those I care about. Whether we're watching stupid DVDs or playing on games together, its nice. In fact, I am the kind of person who can be just as happy just sitting in a room with people doing whatever we please and not saying a word because we are quietly appreciating each other in our own way. It's nice because we don't have to tell each other constantly just to feel secure. He went home today, and the ride back from the station was a bit blue, but Becky has been keeping my spirits up and I went back to the dentist about my rather sore face. Turns out there was a small infection in the gum from where the blood struggled to clot, a bit of a clean and some special dressing paste later and now the pain is gone and I am again able to resume normality.
Over the next few days, I am going to stay in and allow my body to recover. There's been a lot of trauma to my body and coupled with sinus infections and my asthma being it's usual self, I have to admit I am a little bit worn out and could use a nice long rest. Get plenty of sleep and eat some decent food (after a week of not being able to eat, I have been rather hungry which is understandable) and of course enjoy some DVDs, games and other things that I enjoy. After all, life is about enjoying yourself and making the most of what you have, my life is probably not what would be considered glamourous but it is what I make it. If I want to be happy then I know that the one person who can make that so is me.
I've been troubled with my asthma recently as I mentioned before and its just been a bit flared up again. I think its a mixture between the weather and the fact that I keep picking up random viral infections which are taking their toll on my lungs and they're understandably suffering from congestion, wheeziness and other such things that make me feel rather worn out, but I'm keeping myself going because, well, that's all that I can do. Keep myself going with medications and when things start getting to me, then I have to make the decision to call it in. But I am hoping we won't get that far.
One thing I am really proud of myself for is being able to kick my mega-caffeine habit. It's been 6 months since I last drank any energy drink (stuff like Red Rooster, Relentless, Black Sun etc) and even though it was rough at first, I am glad to have managed to cut out those drinks for good. I think I knew I was developing a problem with energy drink when I felt sluggish and irritable had I not had a "fix" of the really high impact stimulants. I think I must have been climbing the walls on days when I had really hit it hard and I wasn't really using the energy for much which meant that I did start to pile on the pounds (which led me to my biggest at 16 stone, which on my 5 foot 6 frame looked frankly horrendous) and I was a miserable sod because of it. I'm just glad that Becky helped me kick the habit and I have noticed in 6 months how much better my moods, weight and general health have been. I am back on a normal sleep/live cycle and I eat a lot healthier as well.
I am also considering trying a fitness regime that will be tailored to my asthma and other conditions. This should help me tone up and really get back to being me. I am not expecting it to reverse my disability (obviously I will have to avoid doing anything too cardio or anything to heavy), but anything that can help me with confidence and get me back in to my old clothes is something I think is worth a go and as it is something that is low impact and won't be hard on my lungs, back and other problem areas, that's something I can get on board with. I'm done with feeling defeated and worthless, since I was given my main disability and told that no matter what I did, there would be nothing that would undo it and it would get worse as the years go by, I think I did feel depressed and I think it made me forget that despite this, I am still young and I can still have a good time. I just have to be careful and do things within my limitations. I will probably never be out of my scooter for getting around, but I can do something to make me feel more like the old me.
Mentally I am back to the old me and I am back to that cheerful happy-go-lucky person who used to just wander around town just for the sake of having a wander. Admittedly I do go on my scooter to get there, but that's alright with me, heck if anything it certainly makes bringing the weekly food shopping home a lot easier! I don't feel too scared to go out in case someone sees me or anyone makes any unpleasant comments. I have nothing to feel ashamed about. If anything, I am proud of myself for surviving everything and coming back strong, confident and ready to give 'em hell if anyone thinks that they can do that to me again. I've worked hard to pick myself up from the train-wreck that I was and I am going to keep moving forward and using what I have now to build and maintain a bright and happy future and of course, I will be keeping everyone up to date with my progress!
4 years ago