Things are really starting to move forward for Becky and I. We are possibly going to switch properties with another person and with some luck, this summer we will be getting a bigger place. The biggest advantage of this is that those who I don't want knowing where I live, won't know anymore. This is great for my personal safety as well as allowing us to integrate in to a new community, one closer to things we need and what's important to us. I admit that leaving the home that I have known for the last 2 years would be a sadness but at the same time, I accept the importance of change and it means that we will be one step nearer to having Jace here with us too.
Life is really unpredictable at the best of times, but I really do hope that we could change our lives for the better. I mean, things are alright as they are, don't get me wrong, but knowing that things could be just that little bit better just makes us want to strive for that. I love it when we're all together and we make it work as a team. We're like a family even with the animals (who are really thriving) and this is what is the most important thing for me. All I need right now is to get a handle on this infection and then I will be on top of it all.
We have been dedicating our time to sorting our lives out to make sure that we have both a comfortable and sustainable future. This can be difficult to achieve when you live on benefits but I have been working harder to pay things off, clear off debts and prepare for the next few steps of my life. I actually see a promising future ahead, rather than thinking about the end and wanting to try things that I really shouldn't have been thinking. I'm happy and that has been such a hard thing to achieve and I was scared that this would never happen again. OK so I will never really feel completely well again, but that's fine, I at least had 21 good years and a load of memories to think back on fondly. Being ill has made me realise my inner strength as well as helped me be a better person because of it. I learned to help others and be empathetic.
I've been through more in my life than most others could read about. I may have been beaten, I may have been raped and abused but the knowing that I got through it all and still manage to smile and be a nice person says a lot about me. I'm strong and confident. Knowledgeable and wise. I'm a person who people come to for advice, support or even just a hug and a cup of tea. Not everyone would agree with my way of doing things and its impossible for everyone to like you, I mean for every one person who does like you, there are probably many others who aren't so keen on you. Its human nature to like and dislike others and that is completely fine. If someone doesn't like me then that is their choice and right as a sentient being, along with their right to be immature and slag others off because they see fit. I know a few people slate me and my blogs as well as the things I do, but I know who my real friends are and they can count on my loyalty and friendship until the end. I just decided recently that I wasn't going to care about people who aren't worth my time.
I'm certainly not going to listen to the local laughing stock or take in to account anything they say. I mean what is the worst that they're going to do? Bitch about me to people who are just as immature and pathetic as he is? Follow us to, around and even from town? Hang around my home and try and make me feel scared? Or even post a load of bullshit that NO ONE is going to read? If thats the only way that they can amuse themselves then they really need to take a good long look in the mirror and see how little to me they are worth. My real friends know who they are and are the ones whose opinions I actually care about. They have my loyalty to the end.
I guess I have been spending time strengthening myself physically and emotionally and it has left me more confident and ready to do what I have to, and anyone who wants to tear me down, well I wish you luck because I refuse to bow or break.
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." ~Ambrose Redmoon
2 years ago