Tired Wendy = Grumpy Wendy

OK so this is probably going to be a bit of a rant or tangent but right now my asthma is annoying me. It's not the usual low grade poking and prodding kind of annoyance either. This is the kind of annoyance that comes when it takes me a few moments to summon up enough energy to get up and in to my chair or makes even doing normal things frankly harder than they need to be. Team that up with a cough that makes sleeping difficult and then you have the recipe for a rather hacked off and tired Wendy.

Tired Wendy isn't a good thing. When I'm tired, I feel grumpy and don't want to talk to people. There was a time when I would decide that if I was not able to be around others and I would go in to a kind of hiding in my room (this was back when I lived in a room in a HMO and as I was the only one in the loft I was able to just shut myself off, do what I needed to and then recharge enough to want to be around people again). Obviously I can't just do that nowadays and theres always something that needs to be done or sorted so its not an easy option. I don't mind that so much as I am with someone I love being around even when I just feel like a bear with a sore head. Jace understands that sometimes I just need to be by myself and do what I need to and he does what he wants to do as well. It works because we both have

I hate that my asthma still makes me feel this crap. It's been a nightmare this last week and I have still not been able to get a doctor's appointment as the surgery is so busy (as it is this time of year) and I don't feel as though we are quite at "medical emergency" stage. I'm managing, just, with nebs and I have a lot of home equipment at the ready to cope with things, incluiding oxygen and nebulisers. Without those valuable things I would be completely lost. I think I get really annoyed with it sometimes as it can still come out of left field and hit me hard between the eyes. Even getting up to use the toilet can sometimes be difficult, let alone more indepth tasks like showering, hair and make-up. Not that I don't keep trying because once you stop trying, you stop living and there's just no point anymore.

You would have thought that by now I would have been used to such things. It's been 10 years since my asthma got like this and its not been an easy adaptation as I have had to learn rigourous routine of medication and making sure that certain things are in place. I have to arrange things carefully before going out and make sure that everything is set up. A lot of people think that the disability life is easy and that all we do is lay around watching TV or something. I wish it was that simple! I don't mind my lot in life, don't get me wrong, it sucks sometimes, but I know that it could be so much worse.

Maybe that's why I don't tend to moan too much on Facebook. I know that I won't be able to get enough likes or comments that will make this better. It doesn't work that way and to be frank to quote Squall "Sympathy is a burden I don't need". It just perpetuates the feeling and compounds it that its something to take pity on. So when I see Facebook blowing up with "Woe is me" memes and people moaning about every tiny twinge it just makes me turn off instantly. How I see it is that if I was to complain about every single pain, every single cough and time when I have needed to use the nebuliser, it would be constant. And no one wants to see that. I mean, you don't update your status every time a raindrop falls or a car passes do you?

Right now, I think I'll just enjoy listening to the rain falling outside and maybe play on my latest new toy, yeah, I have a Switch now. Currently playing the new Yu-Gi-Oh! game on it and so far so good!

Loves
Wendy xx