Besides it would be all too easy for me to fall in to depression and feeling robbed. I know that many people in my shoes would feel like they had their life and independence taken away, but really, I gave up on feeling angry or frustrated by the circumstances around me. The people who have made me the way I am now will probably never feel any remorse for their actions and will never accept what they did. That is their problem really. And as for me, I am going to do whatever I can and not let anyone hold me back anymore. I'm nearly 25 years old for goodness sake. I am old enough to make my own choices in life and to accept the consequences of the choices I make. Not everyone may agree with what I choose in life, but honestly, its not about them. Its about me. What I want for my own future. And what I want is my own life back.
|As Told By Ginger, main character Ginger Foutley.|
I think it is the fact that I still do these things and write on a regular basis that has kept my writers streak very much in good shape. I eventually want people to know who I am. I want people who believe that disability is either funny or a reason to write someone off to read my story and know that someone who may not have been physically strong, still had the mental strength to shine, regardless of what she is made of.
So for the last few days, I have been playing my guitar again. Playing piano and drawing as well as my sewing. Obviously these have had to be done in short bursts because of my feeling unwell, but I feel like I am getting somewhere in life now. I don't feel so fearful or upset because of what has happened to me. What has happened has happened for a reason and I have managed to thrive as a result. I do see my own flaws and I have had to learn to "haul myself up and love my scars", and believe me, I have an awful lot of them to love and I don't see them as a failure, because although I did fall down once or twice, I always managed to pick myself back up and get on with my own life.
One thing I have learned in life is that it is just as important to love yourself as it is to love someone else or have love from another. As well as the importance of self respect and the guts to say "Yeah, I have been around the block. I have made mistakes in life, and torn everything down and built it back up again." No matter how many times I fall down, there is something inside me that always manages (and always will) to find the strength and get back up again. I don't run away and I don't deny who I am anymore. I know I can be a vindictive person when pushed hard enough, but at the same time, I also know that I can be only of the most loving, kind and generous people you could ever wish to meet, but only if you treat me like a person, not a "means to an end".
|Stroke my Puppy!|