Everything is changing at the moment and I am actually glad. I mean for the first time in a long time, I feel like I am actually wanted and loved by someone, not for what they can get out of me, or for the person I used to be, but for who I am now. Because of that, I know I can accept and actually like who I am, regardless of my disabilities or indeed my past. As much as I do lament the past, I do accept that without it, I would have never learned how to be the way I am. Bright, plucky and optimistic. You know the phrase "never keep a good dog down" well I prefer to think of that as "never keep a good girl down".
OK so I wouldn't be the first person to admit that sometimes things aren't perfect and I sometimes start my day thinking "Oh wonderful, waking up sore as anything" or "Fantastic, I can taste the blood I coughed up last night" but now, I just see that as part of the package when it comes to me. Finding people who accept me for that has been the biggest thing I had to do. I mean I had to work out how to be positive and say "OK so it's not fantastic, but at least it's not worse than this" as well as finding a support network of friends, an adoptive family, my own family and the missing piece, someone who I love and I can share my life with.
I did find love in a way that I never even expected. Last year when I signed up to a website, I found myself talking to people who are like minded and in to a lot of the same things that I am. Most importantly, I found Jace. It was the day after my birthday last year and we had started talking, I think it had been about Naruto, but we had made a connection. After a while, that connection became deeper and we got to know each other. I remember, I logged on to Facebook, eager to read another message and keep talking. Sometimes we would ping back and forth for hours on end. I then told him I liked him and was finding myself falling more and more for him. When we finally met, I think then I just KNEW that we were meant to be together. That day was just magical and I had never felt that way before. The summer, the romance and the way things are going now. By next year, we are hoping to live together (and maybe in the near future finding a larger place so all of us can live together happily, but nothings decided yet). I know that sounds a bit odd, considering how hard we worked to keep the place we're in now (not that there was ever any chance of actually losing the place), but if we wind up getting a new place then we can actually set about making that place as homely as the one we are in now. We do love it here, but there may come a time when things may feel a bit overcrowded, which is normal really.
So here we are. We are all looking to the future and getting ready to make the rest of this year, and the years to come the best they can be, regardless of whether or not my health comes in to play.
3 years ago