I know I may never be what one would call Perfect. I know this and you know something I am GLAD of it. Perfect is... Well perfect is frankly what one would call conformity and normality. None of these are things I can well be accused of. I am me. I am strong. But I am compassionate. I can be cold, but at the same time warm and nurturing. I am proud of who I am and indeed the things I have endured. I don't sling mud nor do I stoop to the level of a sympathy seeker nor someone who frankly needs to grow up a bit and stop clinging to the past or indeed their fantasies of what they THINK they are or what they think they have done.
I am better than that.
I am better than people like that.
I have had so much to endure and yet who is the one who came out on top? I have managed to salvage my life and pick myself back up again. I sleep better knowing that everything is great here. I am finally ready for my dreams to come true and I will do whatever it takes to make that a reality. Even if it does mean that I have to sever some ties with people who have hurt me in the past. The ties of hatred and pain only lead to one place and licking your wounds constantly doesn't allow them to heal. I made that mistake and it lead to my near suicide and I had to pick myself up and start again.
I realised a lot of this last night when one of my closest and strictest confidants came round and he sat. We gamed. We talked. We laughed and we chewed over a lot of what happened over the last 2 years or so. He then commented about something that has become a popular subject. My weight. I have resorted to my sparse eating habits again and was nearly again on the tracks to become 7 stone again. For a woman of my height, this is particularly harmful. My lowest acceptable weight is 8 and a half stones. But again that lethargic and apathetic attitude came in and I refused to eat properly again and again. Soup seems to be a staple in my diet at the moment, but that's alright as it is full of healthy stuff really.
3 years ago