Can/Can't...

There is a huge difference between these words, more than merely one letter. One will set you free while the other will keep you trapped forever. People often focus on "Can't" and forget that it is just pessimistic to sit there and fixate ourselves on the negative perceptions. I will freely admit that there have been times where I have been so beaten down that I forgot about things I could do rather than the things that sadly are beyond my ability now. But when did anything ever stop me from getting to where I want and being that person who is happy and in slightly better health.

Yes, I do live with a disability. Yes there are days when I really want to do things but am not well enough and going out and about can drain me and leave me feeling flat and tired. That's OK. It's all a part of what my condition means, but that doesn't mean I don't try. I take the time to do positive things and surround myself with people who, like me, want to just spread some kindness and charity to those less fortunate. I'm the kind of woman who will hand feed a sick guinea pig and work tirelessly so that he recovered.

Poor Patch had been feeling a bit under the weather these last few weeks. He was skinny (despite me giving him more food), withdrawn and just generally sickly looking. The poor little mite though, he still managed to walk up to me, chattering and giving me that grinny pig expression that he has always only reserved for me. Since I spent time feeding him by hand, plenty of love and affection, and 2 new cagemates and now he is 100% better and has managed to put on 300g of what he needed to put on. He doesn't look so ruffled and poorly groomed either. It does fill me with pride and happiness that even when I don't feel very well at all myself, I could still and happily nurse and nurture an animal who has nurtured and cared for me as much as he has over the year with his unconditional love.

I could have written a bitchy, retaliatory blog to a certain person who has started to do just that for no reason at all, but I am so much better than that and I can at least take the moral high ground. Something this particular individual seems to have given up on. But hey-ho that bullshit doesn't matter to me at all and eventually they will realize that NO ONE CARES. And me, well I am going to carry on making the most of my life, the gifts that I have (my art, music and my sewing) and continue to show my friends and family the compassion they so dearly deserve.

Tomorrow, my Becky-chan is coming up to see me (OMG I GOT IT RIGHT!!) for a few days and we can have a couple of days doing girly things, having a giggle with pizza, ice cream and a raid in to my massive DVD collection. I love my DVD collection, its got every film that I love in there, and some anime that really have inspired me artistically. I'm growing as an artist and as a writer. I write a bit for my ADIM project every day as well as my Naruto fictions and my other projects. In the new year I hope to get a place on a piercing course and learn to do something I have always wanted to. Now I can afford it thanks to DLA I decided that the time has come to stop putting my own dreams on hold.

Whenever Becky comes over, my house is filled with laughter, happiness and that feeling of being somebodies big sister and it is fantastic. I belong here.

Loves
Wendy xx