Recent events and a lot of other things lately (something almost happened to one of my best friends and it shook me) and a few other things has made me think. Life is really fragile and when you live with an illness, it becomes even more so. This scares me in so many ways because it is never easy to face one's mortality, be it our own or another person and we tend to focus only on what may be or what "should" have been in our opinions. But we never really embrace what we have now. No one ever seems to just live in the moment.
Recently, that is kind of what I have been doing. I have been living in the moment and taking life by the scruff of the neck, doing everything I have "meant to" or "wanted to" and it has been a period of time where I haven't met with a HUGE amount of regret and heck, my moods have improved. I have been empowered by those who support me to get out, even if it means carrying enough equipment that I could be a paramedic or being slightly scared of the people around me.
A year ago, I could barely face being at home with 1 or 2 other people. I seldom went out and only did when I absolutely, positively had to. I missed a lot of college because my asthma was so out of control that I was embarrassed by it and terrified that going to college would result in a trip in an ambulance, but I had become this terrified and really nervous individual who was faced with criticisms because of her scars and her unique way of doing things. I was scared of people. I was scared of my then partner (but there were many complex reasons behind that, yet now I wonder what I was afraid of when I see him, but thats another story). And I was scared of myself. By that point, I just couldn't face another day and would scarcely get out of bed. What was the point?
What changed? Well, I grew up and got out of that situation and became so proactive in life and determined to change everything. I have wonderful people around me. I have courage to stand up and say "you know what, I have grown out of being a scared little girl, but it seems that a lot of people will never grow out of being jerks" and celebrate myself and my individuality. I like to wear gothic clothes, and long coats are just awesome. I have 2, a black trench and a black and red Akatsuki cloak. At the moment the cloak seems to be my favourite but thats because it just looks like it's popped out of the anime. As for the person who tried to destroy me, well that person is a petty creature who doesn't deserve my time, and what is the worst they're going to do? Write another blog about me that NO ONE is going to read.
So, what I propose now is for people to stop trying to be just like everyone else. Embrace life, be PROUD of everything YOU are. Stand up and say "Yeah, I am a freak, but I am MY freak" and essentially kick the asses of everyone who tells you you can't.
3 years ago