Well the winter is well and truly descending upon us, the weather is cooler and my lungs, well they're really not happy about the cool weather and the influx of coughs, colds and flu viruses that have begun to make themselves very much at home. I love snow and I love how pretty it looks. Last years snow was absolutely breath taking (in more ways than one) and I did enjoy the icicles that we had for Christmas.
I guess the only thing that I don't like about winter is the fact that my lungs suffer more as a result. Over the last few years of constant infections, asthma attacks and a general lack of control of my condition (my asthma wasn't T1BA, but T2BA a few years back, but as time went on and I got older, it became more akin to T1BA and that was what it was officially diagnosed as) has left a lot of scar tissue that is very easy to irritate and doesn't seem to like me doing much more. Even getting dressed or having a bath, or even cooking a meal for myself can seem like an Olympic event and I end up too tired to do anything else, and that can even mean that I choose to not eat than go through the hassle of cooking and then eating, both can leave me so tired I just want to sleep.
Its been productive though and I have been slowly getting my confidence back and I am starting to re-evaluate goals in my life and where I want to be, so that is at least something. Instead of leaving myself to wallow in self pity and become more miserable, I have been looking on what some would call the brighter side. I have a wonderful boyfriend who I love so much and when we're together it seems like there is nothing I can't achieve. Silly isn't it? But I have fallen very much in love and I haven't been this happy in so long, so fuck the past, that stays where it belongs, in my memories.
Hold on to the good, positive stuff and let the rest go to become obscure and non-existent. The past is heavy and it doesn't help anyone to carry it around like a treasured doll or other keepsake. If something made you miserable, well, as Edward Elric says "Keep walking, you have a good pair of legs. Get up and use them." and thats the kind of example I have been taking. I get up and try and do at least something every day, even if it is just washing up or eat a sandwich or just something small. Its worth doing because on those bad days, even small victories are victories nonetheless.
I plan now to just keep moving forward. I can't let myself be dragged down by negative perceptions and negative people.
3 years ago