It's taken a while before I could face it, but today I managed to actually look at myself in the mirror and like who I saw looking back at me. I've always been a bit self conscious and shy around people and ashamed of how I looked or what was hidden under the clothes that were SEVERAL sizes too big. I think it was a comment from JP last week that really hit home when I lifted my top and he saw how much weight I had lost.
Personally, I didn't even realise that I had lost any and when he said it, I didn't expect it to hit home the way it did. Although it is a positive thing and it really is a step in the right direction, it just took me back slightly. Well, I decided to have a good look at things properly and measured myself. My waist is 30 inches, my hips are 38 inches and by bust is 36 inches. I am about a size 10-12 and weigh about 11 stone, which for someone at 5 foot 6 inches leaves me with a BMI of 24. Which is normal and healthy and my waist measurement is more than normal as well. If it weren't for excess skin from when I was bigger and heavier then I would probably look a lot nicer in tight fitted clothes.
But for now, I am really proud of who I am and how I look. I am proud of my long arms and legs and short torso, my piercings and tattoos. My long pink hair and my brilliant hazel eyes which change colour depending on my moods and how I feel in myself. I am overcoming my emotional issues and getting back to that person who I was, enjoying my music and my art. Yes, physically my body doesn't work how it should, but I was always able to see the bright side and even when I have just been in hospital, I like to at least keep my morale up.
Today's trip in was only a brief one, but they originally wanted to keep me in. There really was no point, I had had my meds, I responded and now I am happily back home and ready to face another day.
2 years ago