After A Fun Weekend...

It soon came to that time to go back home. I was really looking forward to getting back to my piggies, rat and hamster as well as embracing my lovely home. Feeling safe in knowing that it is indeed, MY home. It has felt good to be back home, on my own turf as it were. My flat no longer has remnants of his stuff and the bad feelings that they held for me and this was reassuring and I felt as though I had finally had some kind of closure. I text him to get his last box of books from the shed outside, but that was it. His last things were gone and I could finally feel as though I could move on with my own life.

Yesterday, Tom encouraged me, even though I wasn't really feeling too confident at first, to go out of the flat at least once a day. I took that chance and followed him in to town where we sorted out the last of my housing benefit and council tax benefits. Respectively. We then spent the evening together just relaxing and enjoying some time just happily together. It felt absolutely amazing and the evening was highlighted by events like playing around with test pots of paint (all the colours you could think of) and making my room look and feel a bit more contemporary. Hand prints, little pictures, and other amusing things. It culminated in what was one of the most grunge moments I have ever experienced. Sitting painting on the wall in torn and stained jeans, singing along to simple punk songs played on an acoustic guitar. It was awesome.

It's nice to feel like I am back to where I was or where I really should have been in the first place. I feel like a lively and happy 23 year old again and not some person who was past it or given up in life.

Loves
Wendy xx

The Legal Bits...

I thought this was worth posting so that I may make the person whose name shall not be mentioned may look at this and see that it is not just him that looks things up on the internet, it is just me that looks at the right things and finds out all the facts as I believe that if we get the facts straight then there is no confusion and everyone understands the situation accurately and appropriately.

Firstly, I wanted to look at the fact that we were in a Joint Tenancy. This means that as long as BOTH parties are paying the rent then BOTH tenants DO have equal rights to the property. This is mitigated when one tenant does not pay their share of the rent (or in our case the housing benefit in both names which we cancelled last week) then they DO NOT have equal rights. Yes his name is on the agreement, but now that is what one would call a moot point as he has lost all claim to ownership when the housing benefit was stopped and my application began.

Now I have already started the ball rolling on a Property Adjustment Order. After speaking to the housing officer and having a chat with a solicitor over the phone, now that this step has begun, it matters not whose name is on that piece of paper even while the order is being done. Basically this means that although the person's name is there, HE DOES NOT HAVE ANY RIGHT TO MY HOME at all and whatsoever. See I can be very organised and I am glad I spoke to a solicitor and got the full story and found out what my rights are.

I say this publicly as I feel that this is something that needs to come out in the open and I think that it needs to be noted this conversation with LHP Law and Rapid Response Solicitors so that if any dispute on his side should arise then I can show the courts the full story. All I want now is to sort out the Property Adjustment Order and get this complicated mess out in the open so that myself and Tom can both be happy together without people coming in to pick fights and saying they have rights when they don't.

YOU DO NOT GO IN TO ANOTHER PERSON'S HOME AND PICK A FIGHT, YES YOU HAD RIGHTS ONCE UPON A TIME BUT LEGALLY NOW, YOU HAD NO RIGHT AT ALL. YOU WILL NEVER BE CROSSING THE THRESHOLD OF MY HOME AGAIN.


Loves
Wendy xx

After A Great Night Out...

Its amazing, just how spending a little bit of time in a more interesting and fun environment can really lift my spirits and make me forget about what is at the moment a rather shitty and uncomfortable situation when it comes to the break up of myself and a certain person who shall remain nameless as he no longer factors in my life. He will NOT bring me down any longer and I refuse to let his actions put a black spot on my happiness. I wish him well in his future endeavours of course, and I thank him for his blessings for myself and Tom, but I just want the bitchiness and mud-slinging to stop as it is frankly beneath me and I am better than any of that.

Last I was out on the tiles with Tom and his lovely friends. We went to Subculture which is a sort of rock club held in a venue called Vudu. Although it wasn't quite what we expected, it was still a fun and entertaining evening and I think I must have laughed more in 5 hours than I have in frankly a long time. I danced. I drank, and I just enjoyed living in the moment as opposed to locking myself away because I was frightened of looking like a sack of spuds or a sausage tied in the middle, or having an attack in public.

I find it quite funny how I can wake up after a night out and not be hungover, then again, I didn't drink THAT much to be honest. I'm either slowing down in my old age or just becoming more sensible and taking in to account that being too drunk would result in me losing control and that could only end badly. I did have to neb a couple of times from dancing but that seems to be normal for me. I have taken the tack that life is WAY too short and it is high time I enjoyed myself instead of living the boring life of a hermit. I have gone from barely spending any time out of my flat to being out and about and even going for some short walks around to help build my stamina and fitness again.

Look out world, a new Wendy Bostock is coming and you guys better be ready for her. I'm back baby and and I am NOT going anywhere.

Loves
Wendy xx

That Moment...

I think in life there are many points which we would consider as that moment in time when we feel our lives change, sometimes for the better, others not so. In myself, I have hit that point in my life where I am fed up of being at home, feeling ill and sorry for myself and have decided that despite my health problems, I am going to just go out and enjoy myself and my life. It is too short to focus on bad stuff any more and I for one am fed up of dwelling on the past and letting people get to me. I long got out of the habit of being lectured to or ordered around by another person and I do not intend to begin again. I am in charge of my own fate and I am in charge of my own life.

I am feeling rather unwell still and my asthma is not letting me have it particularly easy today I must say it is not helped when someone visits my home and decides to get threatening or abusive towards me. Unfortunately as a result my asthma has gone haywire and I could very well end up in hospital again. I am not interested anymore in ANY of this and I know where I stand. I know what I am talking about, heck part of my course covers Libel and Slander. If you really need a definition then I suggest that you get a dictionary as you have admitted everything I said was truth, so unfortunately NOT slander. Thank you very much.

I have been advised by several friends that I should contact the police, particularly about an incident involving the purchase of a pink noose as that is actually a threat to my life, but to be honest, I am going to treat people like this with the contempt they deserve and not let them ruin my life. I am much better for all of this and I am not the one who could wind up with a criminal record as a result.

Tonight, I am going out, for the first time in about 2 years and 5 months, a night out is going to be just that, and not a trip in an ambulance. If I need that I want to at least have tonight where I can block it out and enjoy life as a 23 year old woman and not an invalid. After everything I went through, I think I deserve that. I am not going to say any more about anything to do with the situation and the bed someone else made for themselves, heck, I am not even going to refer to them by name. I have much better people in my life and I deserve for once to be happy. That is what I am going to be. I am going to be happy and enjoy my life, my friends and my wonderful animals.

As for my animals, still no word on Jenova's pups yet, but she is getting rather chunky and looks like a mummy. She likes to try and play cards with Tom which we found very funny as she kind of wandered over and took the bottom cards from his Solitaire hand! Cheeky little so and so! She then proceeded to try and eat my bookcase, my hair straightener and then twanging the bars to her cage looking at me rather sweetly! Still isn't one for lap-time but she will cuddle sometimes, when the mood takes her.

Gizmo is looking a bit down at the moment, so me and Tom took him in to the bedroom for some special cuddle time. He seemed OK with it and chattered at us before trying to jump in to my dressing gown! They are all little characters, they really are. Hope STILL humps everything in sight and Patch, well he is just affectionate and purrs at me whenever I give him a fuss. Between us, we are spending time between Selly Park and Redditch. Last night we went back to Redditch and chilled at my place for a while. I notice we spend more time at mine than anywhere else, its just been Thursday night and tonight that we have spent at Tom's.

Well, I will leave my blog there for now and I am going to go and get ready for a cracking night out which will not be spoiled by anyone!

Loves
Wendy xx

Ooops...

I forgot to mention something this week. A discovery made by myself and Tom regarding my piggy Kadaj. It turned out that HE is actually a SHE. This was a big enough shock, until I realised that she had been living the lovely and cuddly Gizmo, a 6 month old Texel/Rex cross boar. As you can imagine, as nature does, things happen and poor little Kadaj, now renamed to Jenova, is now about 2 or 3 weeks pregnant, I have about 4-5 weeks to watch and wait and see what she has.

I spent last night with Tom at his place in Selly Park. OK so I wasn't what you would have called the picture of health when I got here, but after a while, my lungs decided that they had had enough of me and gave me the worst asthma attack I have had in the last week, luckily it was possible to help myself and get my nebs, although it was seriously considered that we took a trip to the local Hospital. Not my idea of fun at the best of times, but going to a hospital where no one knows me would be scary, as bad as the Alex can be at times, at least they know my asthma and the rest of the complicated list of health problems that I live with.

The most important part of that statement is the last 2 words. "Live with." That is what I do when it comes to my illnesses, I just put up with them, not because I am brave/strong or the rest of it, but because really, I don't have an awful lot of choice in the matter. It would have been so easy to start sinking in to Self Pity and "Oh my life is so horrible... I have SOO many problems" and the rest of that messy mire, but at the end of the day, where would that get me? The answer is, of course, no where. I endure my asthma because it is there, it has always been there, albeit not as bad as it is some days, but I have always suffered with it, even as a child. My mental health problems are getting better over time and I finally feel emotionally well enough to tackle a lot of other problems in my somewhat bizarre personal life.

I am not one for a normal life, it has to be said. Currently spending my time between my place and Tom's is fun. While I am in Birmingham and not Redditch, I feel this sort of calm, tranquillity. I am happy and among friends, although my friends back in both Redditch and Stafford are never too far away from my thoughts. It's weird that this time last year, I used to have panic attacks just going outside my front door, yet now, I can happily walk around town. I think a lot of my problems came from living with a rather intimidating and threatening person who would bully me in the middle of a shop if he wanted me to buy him something. Tom is the complete opposite and even declines when I offer to buy him a token of any kind. His housemates are the sweetest group of people I have met in a long time and I feel like I am part of a small, but close family.

I think at the moment, I just feel happy being, well, me. I am in a much better and happier place and the doom and gloom is really starting to clear. Yes, I may always have problems with my body and I will never feel perfectly "well", but you know what, I think now I'm not facing a lifetime of fear and loneliness, isolated within the walls of my home and not really being allowed to talk to or confide in anyone, I can face my life and really flap my wings and fly away.

Loves
Wendy xx

Telling The Truth

I guess after re-reading this post about me over and over, I finally decided that I should share it (along with some corrections):


"Okay over the last two years and five months I was with Wendy Bostock, as her partner now this is over and she has moved on. Congratulations my dear you win, in your odd little world where everything is either with you or against you, you win. (My old little world, huh, OK yeah, this is coming from someone who was convinced that the universe was out to get him or that he was this victim of everything. Yeah.. OK)

Now dear reader I'll give you a few truths as I saw and still see them, the relationship did not start well I will admit that without hesitation, yes it was fraught with issues mainly my addiction and her worsening illness. (Whose fault was that?) So yes it was shaky to begin with but we had some good times as well it was a nice change to be able to share Christmas with someone else and it was lovely to get out of Redditch even if it was to Stafford (a town with one of the most depressing train stations I have had the "pleasure" to visit). So no it was not all bad but as time progressed we started to disintegrate as a couple firstly there was my withdrawal from my Codeine dependency and thus the cause of my rather childish behavior over the early part of the breakdown. So again I'm sorry for that but things changed after the first Christmas, for the worse, mainly in the way I was treated Most of the reports of my anger and fury were reported under false pretexts. (I told them as they happened, you had a stupid habit of forgetting what he did to others and greatly exaggerating what little things I did to him)  Wendy is, like most people in my experience, a liar and a hypocrite. (OK, look whose talking, a compulsive liar and attention seeker) she wanted me to respect her but I got the distinct feeling, even though she said otherwise on multiple occasions she had very little respect for me as a person. mainly because I am unemployed of all things. (I had little respect for you towards the end as you used every chance you could get to attack me, even reducing me to tears while I was on a hospital trolley. It was never a question of me having respect, but I respected you in the way you didn't respect me.) She was allowed to do and eat whatever she wanted while I was on a strict regime of abstinence from all but the most basic of treats so yes I started to take things into my own hands to redress the balance into a more equal footing, since we were supposed to be a partnership. (You ASKED me to restrict you from eating sweets and gaming all day because you were trying to beat your demons.)

Now in most of our arguments she threw the fact that I was abusing her and that the flats were Her home even though both our names were on the tenancy agreement. (YOU DID ABUSE ME, and we always agreed that if we split you would let me have the flat as, unlike you I am not co-dependent on my family) And that I owed her a lot more money than I really did I agreed to paying these 'Debts' off just to make life easier for the both of us,(excuse me, you knew what you were paying off, I.E: The 2 laptops you destroyed through spite, the mobile you broke because mine was better, the other things of mine you damaged and ruined as well as the Orange dongles you bullied me in to getting and paying for) at this time I was the primary claimant I deliberately gave her 50% more than myself in order for her to pay off her and my debts as and when they arose  (Wendy was in charge of the budget at the time) and yet our debts worsened while she frittered away the money on her various treats and collections while again I just got by on what little I was allowed. (Awww, poor little victim. I only used what money I got from my Student Finance to buy my collections. I still have the bank statements and receipts so don't even give me that. You STOLE my ESA from me just because I was getting that little bit more because, sadly I am DISABLED, DEAL WITH IT.)

Yes I'll admit that this might come across as fairly bitchy and bitter but hey I'm just expressing how I feel here and frankly I'm a little pissed, I served this woman the best I could and yes I still love her to an extent and until today I did respect her but when ever I have tried to admit my feelings to her I have been shut down (I'm sorry, but I was with my boyfriend and if you had bothered to ask how I was, or noticed, you would have known I was feeling extremely unwell and am currently doing my best to avoid a hospital run) so now I frankly have had enough I am not her enemy but I am certainly not entirely her friend for now. Now to continue; once we won the bid for 50 Stanley close we both had high hopes for the place but foe yours truly nothing was to change from the move, even though deep down I knew it would never work in the long run and I had told her the previous year and had offered to be the one to stay at the YMCA so she could heal
and grow but no she refused to listen to my council and the council of her closest friends. That was until last week when it finally sunk in after I admitted to her that I had been overdosing on my medication just to survive being near her. (I was getting to that point myself and I was just waiting for the right time to do this properly, but you pushed me too far and put WAY too much pressure on me. How the hell was I supposed to look after your pill on top of the mountain of meds I have to take. I did explain this to you.)

Yes the break up was amicable but if it stays that way? We will have to see. (Only you can make that happen, I have been more than reasonable, even letting you stay at mine last week so you could get sorted, and how did he reward me? Well Nat's X-Box pad has been damaged, my X-box isn't working properly and I got home to a squalid hell hole, and was told that WE made the mess, I am sorry my dear but you are very much mistaken) I just hope Tom Oliver Murray and the piggies (Funnily enough, the piggies are doing better without you and your spiteful ways) survive better than I did because it started out with me in the same positive way but rapidly went down hill from there. All in all I try to admit how I feel and I am shut down with "please don't do this" (Again, sorry but I wasn't feeling well at all and didn't need the stress of you kicking off again at me, I had to endure 2 years of that and ended up with COPD as a result.) well guess what Wendy if you want me to be bitter and twisted carry on the way you are but please remember I cannot love what I cannot respect (I'm sorry but this whole thing was actually YOU and YOUR twisted perceptions of everything. You want everyone to believe you are the biggest victim going and you omit certain points in our relationship where your abuse was little more than attempted murder and you would try and make me sicker so you could get carers allowance, or an X-Box 360. Was Daddy behind you when you wrote all this? You never could think for yourself could you?)"

Now, I have had my say in all of this and I have picked apart and told nothing but the truth about everything. I think there was a lot of problems in this relationship and I am sorry that things didn't work out. As for Tom, he is happy with me, I am happy and my confidence is slowly coming back. I am feeling more human again and less depersonalised. 

I decided to let you all have a read of this and the bits in bold were my CORRECTIONS or further information so that people get the full story and not just the snippets he wants everyone to see. Or what his Dad wants him to see. Now I want to say that this is my last word on the subject and if he slanders me further, I will be applying to the courts and reporting him for harassment.

Loves

Wendy xx

Blog of Lies

Well, I am not going to name and shame the person, but somebody decided he was going to blog about me and tell some pretty vicious lies. Accusing me of lying or hypocrisy, which was never something I ever intended to do. Luckily that person has decided that he shouldn't have written such things and erased it, but at the end of the day, I have to say it is fucking childish to do things like that and I am going to, as I always have, take the moral high ground not retaliate. Instead, I am going to do what I do best, I am going to get on with my life and enjoy every day as if it were my last.

Over the last few days, I have been getting back in touch with the real me and what I like. I pottered around my bedroom, cleaning it up and re-setting it all up in a way that I liked it. I found my bed to be more comfortable and I fell asleep very easily and quickly, but before Steve left, I found the place to be very scary and uncomfortable. It's like a totally different place and finally I feel safe there. I found a few things that I thought I had lost and finished some stitching projects that I had forgotten about. Being in a relationship with Steve, I never could settle down in myself, but that's OK. I am young, I can settle back down again.

Today, I had the confidence with Tom to do something that last year would have both scared and mortified me. I went out in public in a fitted top and the right size jeans. I wasn't poking and prodding myself feeling bulgy or chunky. I was comfortable and very confident. I am finding my old confidence and strength in myself and I don't feel so limited anymore, which can only be a good thing.

Loves
Wendy xx